Well-being

  • Discover How to Grow Your Emotional Well-being

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    What if you could create more positive emotional experiences and improve your emotional well-being?

    Improving your emotional well-being is not about stopping or avoiding uncomfortable emotional experiences. Emotions are an ordinary and necessary part of life – both emotions we like as well as those that are uncomfortable. Emotional well-being includes self-awareness, emotion regulation, and recovery for optimal functioning. Increasing emotional well-being is entirely possible. Emotional well-being skills can be built at any point in time.

    Here are some ways to have more emotional well-being:

    1. Grow your emotional awareness

    Emotional awareness increases when you engage in self-reflection—

    • What am I feeling?
    • Why do I feel this way?
    • What will help me stop feeling uncomfortable?

    You may engage in behaviors that hurt your emotional well-being when you are unaware of your emotions. But, when you pay more attention to your emotions, you learn which situations, people, or thoughts affect your emotions – positive or negative. You can use your emotional awareness to take action and help you have more enjoyable emotional experiences.

    2. Engage in mindful acceptance

    Mindfulness includes emotional awareness and it also includes self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is when you experience emotions without judging and accept them as part of yourself. Self-acceptance helps prevent secondary negative emotions. Here’s an example: guilt is a secondary emotion when you feel guilty about feeling angry. Acceptance of all emotions (positive or negative) helps prevent adding extra negative emotions into the mix. When you practice non-judgmental self-acceptance, you let your emotions come and go without labeling them as good or bad. You allow yourself to be present and emotions flow, enhancing emotional well-being. One way to develop this skill is by practicing mindfulness meditation.

    3. Shift your focus

    Shifting your focus or re-directing your attention from uncomfortable feelings you’re currently experiencing to the broader impact or “big picture” can help. If you focus on a disappointing situation, you might shift your attention to the other things that are going well in life. Most of us have many things we feel good about and want less of. Looking at the big picture is easier said than done, but research shows that training ourselves to focus on neutral events or situations instead of threatening events can reduce anxiety. Reducing anxiety is a critical factor in emotional well-being.

    4. Reframe your experience

    Reframing is an emotion regulation strategy where you interpret a stressful situation from a different and often more positive perspective. As a result, you understand that there is more than one point of view. This can help you prevent getting stuck in one emotion and instead boost overall emotional well-being. You can practice reevaluating situations by listing things that are good as a positive –

    • How is this an opportunity to grow?
    • What can I learn?
    • What are the good parts of this situation?

    Reframing is a skill, so the more you practice, the easier it becomes.

    5. Get some emotional space

    Emotional distancing is taking on an observer perspective of yourself. It’s like being a “fly on the wall” as you experience an emotion. Another option is to try future pacing. Imagine being a day, month, or year from now, and as you look back on your current situation, what do you predict your perspective will be? For example, after an argument with your partner, think about how you’ll feel about this fight in a week, month, or year. By using emotional distancing, you usually don’t have as many negative judgments about it and can recover from negative experiences more efficiently. Recovery from negative experiences is another important factor in emotional well-being.

    6. Imagine/visualize the good things

    When you imagine positive events, your brain produces similar signals as if you were experiencing those things in real life. This is why positive imagination and visualization can be a powerful tool for emotional well-being. When you’re going through a tough time, you might not have a lot of positive things to focus on. But when you use your imagination, you help your brain experience positive emotions. So, imagine yourself in a good place and generate more positive emotions.

    7. Share positive moments

    When you share your positive moments, you help them grow, expand, and last longer. When something good happens, show, tell, or share your experience with someone you care about since it supports your emotional well-being. For example, you could text a friend or call them on the phone. Just be careful not to ‘humble brag.’ For example, if you got a promotion, you could say, I’m feeling so great today about my career. I’d love to celebrate by taking you out to dinner. The people who love you in your life will want to celebrate with you!

    In sum

    Emotional well-being is the foundation for a life well-lived. It helps you to manage challenging situations while remaining present. Life gets easier when you know that you have the skills to care for yourself no matter what happens. Practice these seven well-being skills and you’ll create a solid foundation for your life.

  • How to Empower Yourself in Midlife

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    How to empower yourself isn’t a topic that’s directly discussed much.

    You’ll often read about what’s empowering after the fact. It’s as if the feeling is a surprising result. Instead, the tools to empower yourself are simple and can become your way of being in the world. When you know what can help you reach your goals, it’s nearly impossible not to go for it!

    Feeling confident, effective, and competent is essential for growth and learning. You are much more likely to accomplish what you want in life if you believe you can. The opposite is also true. Doubt and insecurity can steal your confidence to learn new things and grow when they overshadow potential.

    While it may often feel like things are out of your control, it is rarely the case. Stepping into the power you have in your own life is possible and it is called empowerment. Please keep reading to learn about empowerment, how you can use it to fuel your motivation, and how to build even more of it within yourself. ​​​​​​​​​

    What Is Empowerment?

    Have you ever felt like you can take on any challenge despite the stress swirling around you? The feelings of self-confidence, clarity, and self-determination are essential parts of feeling empowered. Empowerment is a “process that fosters power in people for use in their own lives, their communities, and their society by acting on issues they define as important” (Page & Czuba, 1999). When you feel empowered, you feel you’re in power or control of your life. Empowerment allows you to feel confident that you have the power to create a personally fulfilling life. It’s also confidence that you can accomplish what’s important to you.

    Feeling empowered is motivating. You can pursue your goals and dreams with enthusiasm. If you lack motivation or doubt yourself, increasing your sense of empowerment within yourself can help build your self-esteem and a better quality of life.

    A study that used an online psychological-educational program to help people suffering from depression measured changes in empowerment. Following the program, participants noted an increase in self-esteem and empowerment. The participants improved their quality of life six months after completing the program. What this shows is that improving your self-esteem and feeling more empowered can have a positive effect on your overall quality of life.

    The opposite of feeling empowered is powerlessness or defeat. A disempowered mindset can leave you feeling like you don’t have control of your life. While it isn’t possible to feel fully empowered and confident one hundred percent of the time, having a more neutral mindset is possible so you don’t experience negative consequences that can impact your health.

    A lack of empowerment (high powerlessness scores) is associated with:

    • Limits on physical activity with age
    • Negative psychosocial symptoms with age
    • Health problems five- and ten-years post-survey
    • Poorer of health in general

    Empowerment is a trait that you can build within yourself with time and practice.

    How To Empower Yourself

    Now that empowerment is defined, is it time to explore how to build more empowerment within yourself? For some people, feeling empowered and self-confident may already be skills they’ve learned. Building a sense of empowerment may take a bit of a mindset shift, especially for midlife women. The following are empowerment skills you can develop and actions you can take to implement them daily.

    Develop more positive self-talk.​

    Negative self-talk, especially when it involves negative self-assessments, can harm an empowered mindset. You may need to replace negative thoughts with positive ones to develop more positive self-talk. For example, instead of thinking, “I can’t do that,” think, “I can do hard things.” This simple switch can make a world of difference.

    Create an action list for your goals.

    Ideas and goals are a great start, but you won’t get very far without taking action! Empowered people know that moving forward and achieving your goals takes effort. One way to make the process more practical is to write down your large goals. Break them down into smaller parts by necessary progressive steps. Then, the next step is to break them down even smaller info weekly and then daily goals that are “doable.” Small, consistent goals keep you moving forward at a pace where you can integrate the changes you’ve made.

    Practice confidence and assertiveness.

    Stepping into a more confident and powerful sense of yourself is vital to feeling empowered. It often takes practice – you can learn to speak up and make your voice heard. Robin Sharma once said, “Speak your truth even if your voice shakes.” Try practicing what you will say in your head before you say it out loud if you feel extra nervous.

    In Sum

    Empowerment is an important skill to support you in achieving your goals and dreams. Feeling confident and assertive in your ability to go after what you want is priceless. People with an empowered mindset have more positive self-talk, take action to reach their goals, and are assertive and confident. Once you start believing in your capacity, you can do much more than you’ve dreamed!

  • Tips for a Great Quality of Life

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    Learn what you need for a great quality of life in mind, body and heart.

    How do you know if you have a good quality of life?

    What exactly does quality of life mean anyway?

    Does quality of life mean you experience more happiness than disappointment, or is there more to it than that?

    Many fields study quality of life, including psychology, personal development, business, and health and wellness. The term varies depending on the context in which it is used. This is why there is no single agreed-upon definition of quality of life.

    The World Health Organization (WHO) definition of quality of life is: “an individual’s perception of their position in life in the context of the culture and value systems in which they live and in relation to their goals, expectations, standards, and concerns” (who.int, n.d.). Since the WHO’s definition is used in many public and global health research studies, it’s an important benchmark. Essentially, the WHO’s definition states that quality of life is a subjective measure of an individual’s well-being. This point is debated – some researchers state that quality of life must involve objective and subjective measures.

    This article focuses on how the quality of life is relevant to you and your well-being.

    Tips for Improving Your Quality of Life

    To improve your quality of life, it’s helpful to look at the different areas of life and focus on where there is the most room for improvement. As a starting point, you can begin by focusing on the six domains the WHO includes in its definition – Physical, Psychological, Level of independence, Social Relationships, Environment, and Spirituality/religion/personal beliefs.

    Which domain catches your attention? Is this the area you want to improve for an excellent quality of life, or do you feel confident and satisfied? Don’t worry too much about the names of the domains. What’s important is to take a step back and neutrally assess each one.

    Below are some examples and questions based on some of the WHO’s domains directly related to your relationship with yourself – physical, psychological, social, and spiritual. I hope these questions get you thinking about how you would like to enhance your quality of life.

    Physical

    This domain considers health, illness, physical limitations, and possibilities for improving your relationship with your body.

    • Does your physical health add to or detract from your quality of life?
    • Do your food choices affect your mood and energy levels?
    • How satisfied are you with your sleep quantity and quality?
    • How often do you move your body?

    Psychological

    This domain focuses on emotional health and well-being, understanding stressors, coping with feelings and your unique understanding of your mental well-being.

    • Do you manage your emotions and moods as you like?
    • Are you living in the present or a cycle of distraction?
    • Are you optimistic about the future?
    • Do you feel resilient when faced with life stressors?

    Social Relationships

    This domain focuses on the relationships with others, how comfortable and confident you are in social situations and how much enjoyment you receive from them.

    • Do you have someone to talk to about your struggles?
    • How confident are you when you meet new people?
    • Do you feel like you have good communication with your significant other/friends/family?

    Spirituality & Personal Beliefs

    The last domain in this article focuses on personal beliefs, which include spirituality and religion. It might also be helpful to consider your values and their role in your life.

    • Is religion/spirituality important to you?
    • Do you have people in your life to discuss your personal beliefs with?
    • Is spirituality a source of confusion for you?
    • Does the media you consume help you grow as a person?

    Your answers to the above questions and any other questions you have for yourself will help guide your choices. There aren’t quick fixes; instead, focus on living in alignment with what you need for your life. Small habit changes in your everyday life are the changes that add up to more happiness and fulfillment – two essential aspects that lead to an excellent quality of life.

    I hope the questions above help you focus on aspects of your life that you can change. Remember to track your progress. You’ll know that you’re moving forward as you feel more and more content with your life. Journaling is also a great way to track changes. Progress can motivate you to continue your journey as you improve the quality of your life.

    In Sum

    The theory and research behind quality of life are wide-reaching, but reflecting on the parts of your life that you can enhance can lead to excellent quality of life. When you focus on the parts you can change, you can make a plan that works for you. Spending time improving your quality of life also improves your overall well-being, leading to more happiness and a fulfilling life!

  • How to Transform Your Relationship with Food for Good

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    Your relationship with food…

    Being present and increasing awareness of your emotional life is essential for personal fulfillment. Without it, experiencing a lasting change in your relationship with food, stress eating and your body isn’t likely.

    Nutrition and exercise are essential, but without a shift in your emotional awareness, you’ll be right back at the start sooner than the current diet fad ends.

    Be present.

    Tomorrow is tomorrow. Future cares have future cures. And we must mind today.

    Sophocles

    Being present is assessing where you are now and includes both the positive, fulfilling parts of yourself that you like and the draining aspects of your life that you need to either limit or use as an opportunity for growth or both.

    The only thing you need to do is be here today. When you’re present, you make moment-to-moment choices that significantly change your relationship with food.

    Think about today and what you need right now. Shift your focus away from immediate gratification and get closer to the core of what your heart desires most. Sometimes, asking yourself a question helps – do I want to eat the chocolate bar, or am I looking for a break from stress? It’s easy to grab the chocolate bar that tastes delicious and results in your brain being flooded with feel-good brain chemicals. The challenge is focusing on what you need for your well-being and your relationship with food.

    Most people who struggle with emotional or stress eating, body image, and chronic dieting develop an automatic reaction to food. What’s important to remember is that this is a brain-based behavior that can change. What it is not is a lack of willpower or mental toughness. It’s a learned behavior and you can learn different behaviors that align with what you want in your life.

    If you want to get off the diet merry-go-round of chronic stress eating, an effective strategy is allowing yourself to accept the challenge of being present right now. You can learn to become a mindful and conscious eater and change your relationship with food.

    Follow your guidelines.

    He who wishes to be obeyed must know how to command.

    Niccolo Machiavelli

    When thinking about your future self, are you in command of your present self?

    The only way to ‘obey’ yourself is to listen to your wisdom and ‘command’ your body with the clarity, kindness, and compassion you need to move forward. Listen to your good advice; it’s how to change your relationship with food.

    A plan based on your unique needs and clarity about what needs to change is a good starting point for lasting change.

    You can make clear choices when you’re present and have guidelines that work best for you. You can identify what you need and incorporate it into your everyday life. What you’ll build is confidence that you’re on the path of greater self-awareness and fulfillment. Stress eating doesn’t have a chance!

    You will get to where things make sense and the difficulties you experience from living with another person’s guidelines, for their food relationship is impossible. You must listen to your mind, body and heart and do what’s right for you.

    It’s easier to notice opportunities when focused on what’s working rather than struggling with what doesn’t.

    You can see things clearly, and your path forward is less complicated than your relationship with food.

    Even when the path is unpredictable, when clarity is your guide, you can adjust and stay on course.

    Practice more of what works and stop doing what holds you back.

    Don’t skip the messy middle.

    Welcome the present moment as if you had invited it. It is all we ever have so we might as well work with it rather than struggling against it. We might as well make it our friend and teacher rather than our enemy.

    Pema Chödrön

    When thinking about your relationship with food, it’s easy to get lured into focusing on the result, like you need to –

    • stop stress eating
    • stop criticizing your body
    • feel more comfortable

    Looking at someone else’s plan is natural when stressed out and desperate for change. A lot of the time, it’s excellent not to reinvent the wheel. But when new clients start coaching with me and follow someone else’s plan, they usually get stuck and overfocus on the result rather than on one choice at a time.

    When you skip over the middle part of the change, you lose all the needed learning. The middle part of the process is where your hard work creates the change.

    Step-by-step small changes are what create transformation. The middle part isn’t something that can be skipped over – it’s essential.

    This phase is rich with opportunities for self-knowledge to achieve fulfillment in your life. The middle is the ‘how to change’ part of changing your relationship with food. The best part is that you can use the process as a guide whenever needed.

    Acceptance.

    Even as we live with the knowledge that each day might be our last, we don’t want to believe it.

    Sharon Salzberg

    Acceptance lays the foundation for everything you want to achieve.

    Look at yourself clearly as you are.

    It’s difficult your experience of living in the body you have isn’t pleasant, yet it’s essential. As you grow in acceptance, sprinkle in many positive thoughts and feelings. Positive thoughts tend to multiply and nourish your desire for change.

    When you build your future by accepting where you are right now while focusing on gaining more self-knowledge, you’re well on your way to getting your needs met and changing your relationship with food.

    Transformation cannot be built on someone else’s truths for their life.

    Transformation can only occur as you know who you are and where you’re going.

    Clarity.

    Nothing ever becomes real until it is experienced.

    John Keats

    Getting where you’re going is faster with clarity.

    Clarity helps you identify what you need to do right now that aligns with your goals.

    With clarity, wishing and hoping for change melts into doing only what you need to do to get to where you want to be.

    Clarity allows you to take a deep breath. When you exhale, the weight of expectations and the pressure to conform to other’s expectations lift.

    You can finally say, “Ahhhhhh,” and feel at peace that your relationship with yourself, while not perfect, is progressing.

    The way to make your plan work is to work on the fundamentals. Be present, follow guidelines that work for you, start from where you are today and accept yourself with clarity. This is a foundation for building a new relationship with food and your body.

    Enjoy food and feel good about it.

  • How To Embrace Your Inner Strength and Cultivate Self-acceptance

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    Inner strength is one of the most powerful traits to cultivate self-acceptance.

    The science and philosophy that support self-acceptance as a way to be effective in your life and align with your intentions and goals is strong.

    Self-acceptance is embracing all of your attributes, positive or negative, exactly as they are. Sometimes, you may struggle to accept particular qualities you have. Maybe you were criticized as a child, or you’re locked in the comparison trap rampant in popular culture or on social media; it is not easy to be compassionate with yourself. But accepting who you are is vital for your happiness and overall well-being. Self-acceptance is a fundamental part of psychological health and well-being. Keep reading for a more in-depth explanation and ideas on cultivating self-acceptance.

    Self-Acceptance for Mental Health

    Low self-acceptance leads to suffering. When you don’t fully accept yourself, you’re at a higher risk of experiencing anxiety and depression. Specifically, when you reject negative qualities about yourself, it can lead to rumination about the negative attributes. When you are in a situation and the negative parts of yourself show up, the result is often negative self-talk. Some examples of negative self-talk include statements such as:

    • I’m not good enough.
    • I’m a failure.
    • I’ll never get things right.

    Negative statements we tell ourselves often become feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, sadness, and anxiety. However, when you accept yourself, especially the parts of yourself that you’re not proud of, you increase your control over your emotions. In other words, self-acceptance can prevent anxiety and any other emotion that’s difficult to accept.

    Self-acceptance for Happiness and Well-Being

    Like mental health, cultivating self-acceptance is a key to happiness and well-being. You can manage negative self-talk more effectively when you have more control over your thought patterns and feelings. High levels of self-acceptance boost your self-esteem, allowing you to be more confident about yourself and giving you the power to handle criticism better.

    Self-Acceptance as a Means for Change

    Maybe up to this point, you have the impression that self-acceptance means becoming stagnant or complacent. It’s easy to think about, mainly because the philosophy and science of self-acceptance encourage you to embrace every part of yourself. But self-acceptance doesn’t mean that you stop learning about yourself and growing. Self-acceptance gives you the freedom to recognize and acknowledge your weaknesses so you become aware of the things you want to change in your life.

    Personal growth is spotlighted through the lens of self-acceptance. You cannot grow and improve your relationship with yourself without knowing who you are. The benefit is that cultivating self-acceptance opens you up so you can practice self-compassion and self-love and transform into your most authentic self.

    How to Practice Self-Acceptance

    The science and philosophy behind self-acceptance make a lot of sense, but how do you start a practice in your daily life?

    Here are a few techniques to get you started –

    Remind yourself that you’re learning and growing.

    Remember the last time you learned a new skill? When I started gardening, it looked so easy on the shows I watched. I wanted the yard in my new house to look just like the pictures in all the magazines. But I got a bit overwhelmed by learning about soil conditions light requirements, some plants don’t flower the first year, and it went on and on. My garden that year didn’t look anything like the picture. My neighbor had been gardening for over ten years, and her garden was beautiful!

    Making mistakes opens the door for negative self-talk to peek around the corner, ready to break into your mind. I could have told myself, “I’m a terrible gardener,” or “Gardening just isn’t for me.” But you can go in a different direction and tell yourself you’re learning and developing new skills. When you find yourself in a situation where you are not naturally skilled in compassionate self-talk like, “I will get better at this,” or “It’s okay, I’m learning and next time will be better.” Allowing yourself to accept that you’re learning and making mistakes is part of the process that can release the expectation of perfection and empower you to try again.

    Keep a gratitude journal.

    When you focus on things that went wrong during the day or dwell on things you don’t like about yourself, it’s helpful to stop, breathe and shift your focus. Developing a habit that signals you to think about ways to shift your focus to a more positive mindset helps you cultivate self-acceptance. One way to accomplish this is by keeping a journal (or a notes app on your phone) to write down a few things you are grateful to have in your life every day. Focusing on the positive will reduce negative feelings, boosting your ability to accept yourself more mindfully.

    View your experiences from a different perspective.

    If you keep circling back, thinking repeatedly about a situation, does it feel uncomfortable? Try looking at the situation from a different point of view. Is there anything that could be a silver lining? Sometimes, you can get stuck in your feelings, and it’s like you keep experiencing them all over again. It’s often helpful to ask what or how Aunt Jane would think about this. Looking at situations with fresh eyes, you’ll find things you didn’t notice before that may help you accept the experience.

    Conclusion

    Cultivating self-acceptance is not a practice we can master daily, which is totally okay. The important thing is to recognize the concept and find ways to incorporate self-acceptance into your life to support your mental well-being better so you experience more happiness.​

  • The Truth About Stress Eating: Imperfection is Part of the Journey

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    There are only five things you need to do to stop stress eating.

    It might sound too easy, but the five steps take time and patience – there are no shortcuts and perfectionism only slows your progress. If you can commit to the belief that life can be less stressful and even harmonious, you can learn the five steps and stop stress eating.

    The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.

    Mother Teresa

    When you get so tired of doing the same thing repeatedly that you can’t do it one more time, you’re in the perfect place to change the situation.

    You know stress eating is more than calming anxiety. There’s something more – you need to live your life with peace, fulfillment and health.

    If you take the steps below, you’ll be on your way to becoming a conscious eater. The time and energy you spend planning, eating, worrying about what you ate and regretting you gave into the habit again doesn’t happen, and that’s one of the best freedoms of all.

    Paying attention to your body’s needs becomes a pathway for a better relationship with yourself. You learn more about your real needs and experiment with how best to meet them.

    You get to know your limitations and the possibilities for caring for yourself in a way you feel good about. Most of all, you learn what you need to take better care of yourself.

    When you take the steps below, you’ll be on your way to stop eating stress. 

    1. Eat when you’re hungry

    Courage is a kind of salvation. 

    Plato

    This sounds like an oversimplification, but how often do you deny yourself food?

    It could be that you ignore your hunger, don’t allow yourself to eat certain foods, or both.

    If your body needs energy, there is just no replacing food. You can distract yourself and delay eating for so long before hangry sets in.

    Your hunger signals may go quiet for a while, but you can be sure they will return, and you won’t be able to ignore them!

    Eat a balanced meal. It’s great if you’re craving a balanced meal or snack since you’re simultaneously taking care of both needs!

    Which leads to…

    Enjoy your food.

    Choose what you eat wisely to get the physical nourishment your body needs and the satisfaction your mind and heart need. Take care of your whole person. Without enjoyment, there won’t be satisfaction, leading to stress eating later.

    Sometimes, you will eat purely for fuel. We all lead busy lives and sometimes food is merely a means to an end — putting more fuel in the engine so you can keep going.
    Food is also an essential way people experience pleasure. If what you eat isn’t pleasurable on some level, most of the time, you will be left wanting unsatisfied.

    At least once a day, eat for fuel as well as for the experience of pleasure.

    2. Be present

    The point of power is always in the present moment.

    Louise L. Hay

    Do just one thing while eating.

    When you’re driving, watching a show, working on the computer, playing a game on your phone, reading, etc., you’re unable to be aware of what you’re eating, if you enjoy it, if you’re hungry for food when you’ve had enough – there are a lot of decisions!

    Distraction is one way of disconnecting from stress eating and the feelings of guilt or shame about what you’re eating, how you’re eating it and how you feel about your body and yourself.

    Distracted eating is a statement about your relationship with yourself. You can fully commit to self-compassion, honoring your needs and desire for nourishment – this is when you stop eating stress.

    Mindful eating is one tool you can use to pay attention to the taste, texture, aroma, colors, etc., of the food you’re currently eating.

    When you eat mindfully, you can assess your relationship with food and how you respect your body.

    3. Identify your feelings

    The best way out is always through.

    Robert Frost

    Calm anxiety before eating, rather than eating to calm anxiety. Easier said than done, right?

    This can be tricky since hunger makes anxiety worse. Anxiety can also be one of the early signs of hunger. It gets complicated very quickly!

    Our ancestors needed to be on the lookout for food; they might have been a little edgy about it, so when it was available, they would find it and eat it. Although food is abundant, this early survival mechanism kicks in when hunger is ignored, and you may become a little edgy, too.

    Help yourself to slow down. Do your best anxiety-reducing techniques, a few deep breaths, a little calming yoga, a short mindfulness meditation for 2–5 minutes, and then eat a balanced meal or snack. The food will wait.

    Anxiety or worry is one of the most frequent feelings that leads to stress eating. Eating is something to do; it takes your mind off of the issue and depending on the food, your brain will be stimulated to release calming brain chemicals.

    The way through this is to identify the feeling, pinpoint its cause as best you can and take one simple step toward your future free from stress eating.

    Sometimes this means making an action plan and other times it means reassuring yourself and creating a peaceful environment when you’ve done all you can.

    Increase your awareness of the feelings you experience most often. Emotional awareness is your guide to stopping eating stress and preventing it from happening.

    Knowing what’s going on inside gives you options for better self-care.

    Stress eating is no longer a distraction from what’s bothering you, you know and you have a choice in managing yourself.

    4. Leave morality out of your food choices

    Having a healthy relationship with food means you are not morally superior or inferior based on your eating choices.

    Evelyn Tribole

    Food is not sinful! How many foods are described as sinfully delicious?

    How often have you heard, usually at dessert time, “We’re being so bad tonight?”

    What if we accepted that our bodies enjoy pleasurable experiences like eating good food?

    Acceptance in the total sense means honoring your desire for pleasurable experiences with food, non-judgmentally.

    When you accept that you’re an eater who enjoys eating, you’ll also accept that you sometimes need fuel. You can accept when fuel is primary and enjoyment second since you can trust that there are times when you’ll eat purely for pleasure, too.

    Eating for fuel only.

    You have a big meeting at two o’clock and it’s essential to have a balanced lunch at noon, so you’re fueled, thinking clearly and on your game. Your priority is reviewing your notes and getting fuel. That’s okay some of the time.

    I was eating just for pleasure.

    Think about birthday cake or special foods you only have at holiday celebrations. These foods and the ritual of eating them symbolize the importance of the moment, your family traditions and culture.

    Foods have different nutritional values, not different moral values. Eat well and enjoy.

    5. Seek connection instead of stress eating

    Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow. It’s a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them — we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

    Brene Brown

    Stress eating can motivate reconnecting with someone, a memory, thought, or feeling.

    If you’re craving a specific food, ask yourself, is it the memory or person you want to connect with? 

    Is the food a way to make it happen, or would you get your needs met by a conversation, planning a visit, or making dinner plans with a friend or family member?

    Stress eating is the pathway to the relationship you want to experience. The problem is that stress eating can’t help you connect how you want or need to communicate with others or yourself.

    Increasing your awareness of stress eating and the feelings that led you there is the way to move toward what you need. Awareness can help you refocus from the food obsession to the relationship and you can get your needs met.

    These five actions will move you further down the road to what you want so you can stop stress eating more than any diet ever could. You have the answers you need right inside you. I hope that the tools above will help you discover them!

  • 28 Quotes to Inspire Optimism and Energize Your Life

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    If you clicked on this post, I’m guessing that a positive quote and a few words of inspiration are some things in life that boost you.

    I love a great quote to –

    • make sense of confusing situations
    • support a more optimistic point of view
    • spark motivation when it’s low
    • reminder to be patient
    • practice compassion and gratitude

    So many ways that quotes nourish the mind and inspire living your life with optimism and intention.

    Quotes are one type of affirmation.

    I like to think of them as a holder of your values. When you include quotes in your daily life that speak to where you’ve been, where you are, or where you’re going, they help you focus on how you want to live your life.

    Most quotes take just a minute to read, yet they hold much power.

    Here are some examples of how you easily use them throughout your day:

    -> Help you maintain a positive attitude – save it as your smartphone screen.

    -> Help your motivation at work – in a paper planner write your quote in your planner at the start of the week or in an electronic calendar put it in the header, with either option you’ll see it every time you check your schedule.

    -> You can also display positive quotes—on a Post-it, your cell phone case, or your fridge. Putting positive quotes where you can easily read them a great reminders to shift your mindset and help you achieve your goals.

    Remember – we can get used to seeing and ‘editing’ them and stop paying attention to them – just like the pile of paper on the counter, so you’ll want to move them around occasionally.

    Positive thinking & growth mindset

    Positive quotes and daily affirmations rely on optimism and a growth mindset. Although positive quotes and daily affirmations are different, their idea is similar: they help shift your mindset toward a more optimistic point of view that can improve your life.

    Research also shows the benefits of positive affirmations and positive thinking.

    In one study about the psychological impact of the September 11th terrorist attacks, researchers found that positive thoughts and positive emotions buffer against depression and sustain thriving in resilient people. Also, positive thinking can benefit your overall well-being, including less depression, a reduced risk of cardiovascular-related death, and even increased life expectancy.

    I hope you find this list helpful!

    They are short, easy to keep in mind, and powerful, so they make an impact.

    Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light

    Albus Dumbledore

    Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.

    Carl Jung

    The most effective way to do it is to do it.

    Amelia Earhart

    If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.

    Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

    The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.

    Marcus Aurelius

    Say goodbye to your inner critic and take this pledge to be kinder to yourself and others.

    Oprah Winfrey

    I can’t think of any better representation of beauty than someone who is unafraid to be herself.

    Emma Stone

    Today is a good day to try.

    Quasimodo

    When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

    Lao Tzu

    Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.

    Albert Einstein

    We know what we are but know not what we may be.

    William Shakespeare

    No one can construct for you the bridge upon which precisely you must cross the stream of life, no one but you yourself alone.

    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Don’t sit down and wait for the opportunities to come. Get up and make them.

    Madam C.J Walker

    Success is not final; failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    Winston Churchill

    Believe you can and you’re halfway there.

    Theodore Roosevelt

    I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.

    Michael Jordan

    You define beauty yourself. Society doesn’t define your beauty.

    Lady Gaga

    People often say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder.

    Salma Hayek

    I’m excited about the aging process. I’m more interested in women who aren’t perfect. They’re more compelling.

    Emma Watson

    You have power over your mind–not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.

    Marcus Aurelius

    I do not wish women to have power over men, but over themselves.

    Mary Shelley

    Women belong in all places where decisions are being made. It shouldn’t be that women are the exception.

    Ruth Bader Ginsburg

    Real change, enduring change, happens one step at a time.

    James Baldwin

    It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.

    Charles Darwin

    If you do not change direction, you might end up where you are heading.

    Lao Tzu

    There is nothing permanent except change.

    Heraclitus

    If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.

    Maya Angelou

    Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.

    Rumi

    Conclusion

    I hope these quotes help focus your mind and steer your thoughts toward a more optimistic future!

  • How to Get Unstuck and Be Happy for Good!

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    Why is it so hard to get unstuck and move forward in life?

    It’s like you’re standing at a fork in the road, unsure of which direction to take and there’s a huge tree blocking both paths. You know you must move down one or the other, but how will you climb over that tree? The path that leads to less stress and more happiness is right on the other side. Take steps to climb over the tree and risk taking the wrong path. The difficulty is feeling spent and burned out; you only want to get unstuck!

    The search for happiness seems a long way off when you’re trying to make choices that support you, but you’re still struggling to find the path. The key to breaking free from this cycle is to listen to your true self. This article gives you the key points to follow to get unstuck and be more authentic.

    What is Authenticity?

    Being authentic means that how you show up in your daily life is accurate with how you feel, think, and express yourself – this is your true self. You express your whole self genuinely rather than showing people only a particular side of yourself. That means being authentic requires you to know who your true self is. And this requires self-awareness, mindfulness, and self-acceptance. 

    Why Authenticity Matters to Get Unstuck

    We are constantly bombarded with media, family, co-workers and friends, who tell us who to be, what to want, and how we “should” be. These influences slowly chip away at our self-knowledge and confidence about our authentic selves.

    But when you are a problem for someone else, you tell yourself that who you are isn’t okay. People pleasing can take over and lead to suppressing who you are, leaving you feeling lonely and disconnected from others.

    How You Lose Your Authenticity

    We are constantly balancing inner and outer aspects of ourselves to fit in better, to become more successful, or to find love. We are driven to find “our place” in society and want to be respected for who we are and what we must contribute. Many high achievers are propelled even further and want to know how to live with purpose and deeper meaning, and they feel fulfilled when they become more authentic.

    But at the same time, we live in a society that values superficiality, strives for perfection, and defines success by the dollars in our bank account, not by how well we live our values daily. So how can we be authentic despite the messages that try to convince us to be someone else?

    Why Overcoming Inauthenticity Is So Hard

    We were molded as children by our parents, teachers, religion, peers, and society to “fit in” or match the version that they see. As a result, we develop beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that align with what we were taught. Sometimes, it matches our self-concept; other times, it doesn’t, leading to inauthenticity and the need to get unstuck.

    This version of ourselves can be considered the “Adaptive Self”—the self that prioritizes fitting in, getting along, and generally doing what we’re told. This self is not without value and purpose—it helps us be functioning members of society. The Adaptive Self might run your life and keep you stuck if you feel inauthentic.

    To reclaim your authenticity, you need to define your authentic self –

    • the self that prioritizes
    • living in alignment with your values,
    • pursuing your purpose and passions

    so you keep moving forward in your life.

    What does it mean to be authentic so you can get unstuck?

    Being authentic means being true to yourself and living in alignment with your values, passions, and purpose. It requires honesty, courage, and vulnerability. Being authentic makes you feel more confident, fulfilled, and empowered.

    Here is your pathway to step into more authenticity:

    Identify your values

    Your values are the principles and beliefs important to you and guidelines for how you live. They are a reflection of who you are because they are the foundation of your life. Take some time to identify what is most important to you in life. What matters most to you? Make a list of these values and prioritize them in your life.

    Identify your passions

    Your passions are the things that bring you joy and fulfillment. They reflect what excites you and brings energy into your life. Take some time to identify what activities, hobbies, or interests you enjoy. What brings you a sense of purpose or meaning? Make a list of these passions and prioritize them in your life.

    Take action on your values and passions.

    Once you have identified your values and passions, it’s time to start taking action. This can be uncomfortable, especially if it means making significant changes in your life. However, taking small steps toward your values and passions helps you integrate them into your life. The benefit is you’ll also build momentum and confidence as you do. For example, if you’ve always wanted to pursue a hobby, start by reading about it, taking a class, or joining a related group. Sometimes, this step-by-step process helps you “test the water” and make decisions.

    Let go of people-pleasing

    You might get stuck when you worry about the messages you receive from others about who they want you to be. However, being authentic means letting go of people-pleasing and living in alignment with what you need. This might mean saying no to things that don’t align with your values or passions. It can also mean setting boundaries with people who don’t support you.

    Practice self-reflection

    Self-reflection is essential to profoundly knowing yourself. Self-reflection examines your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to identify areas where you are out of alignment. Take time each day to reflect on your experiences and how they relate to your values and passions.

    Embrace vulnerability

    Being authentic requires vulnerability. It means being honest with yourself and others about who you are and what you want. This, too, can be uncomfortable, but it is also empowering. When you embrace vulnerability, you open yourself to deeper connections with yourself and those important to you, which often leads to a more fulfilling life.

    In sum, getting unstuck and authentic requires identifying your values and passions, taking action, letting go of people-pleasing, practicing self-reflection, and embracing vulnerability. You feel more confident, fulfilled, and empowered when you align with your true self. The antidote to both stuckness and lifelong happiness is authenticity!

  • 4 Ways to Love and Accept Yourself in Midlife

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    When you accept yourself, life gets better.

    How you do it is to confidently acknowledge that there’s so much about you that’s good. You also know you’re on the path of continuing to grow when you can accept your wonderfully imperfect self, too!

    Daily life is challenging, with unrealistic expectations of who you think you need to be. The media, social media, family, work and society try to shape you into the image of someone who measures up, even if you disagree.

    And yet,

    • trying to do a good job
    • be a good person
    • be valued by those who matter to you

    This is what’s essential in life.

    So, how do you get past negative self-talk, worry about not doing enough, and live up to unrealistic expectations?

    The path of acceptance is one of courage. It requires you to get clear about what you need, even when you aren’t sure to change your mind or make a mistake about what you want.

    Practicing self-compassion while you figure it out will help you stay on track.

    Here are four ways you can cultivate more self-acceptance. They are all interrelated, moving from what’s outside your control to within your control. As you follow the steps, you’ll clarify what you want and set goals that align with your values.

    No matter your age, culture, race, gender, or nationality, the media (and social media) often highlights the ideal. It can leave you feeling that you don’t measure up to the ideal and unattractive. Comparisons aren’t only for teens; they can happen to us regardless of age. Research has shown that the more media you consume with attractive people in it, the worse you feel about yourself. But it’s important to remember that the media reflects what we’re already thinking, and to get unstuck, it’s important to remember this. If your focus is appearance-based, you likely fall short because your brain is already oriented that way. If you see media for what it is—a show—then you can stop comparing yourself to unrealistic ideals and accept yourself.

    2. Limit negative self-talk.

    One of the ways you can better accept yourself is to challenge your negative self-talk. All of us have an inner monologue running all day long. If this self-talk is primarily negative, you’ll have difficulty feeling good about yourself. For example, many clients say things like, “I’m not attractive anymore,” “My life is a mess,” or “I didn’t work so hard for my life to be like this.” You can stop some painful thoughts by limiting your media and social media time, which can help prevent immediate adverse reactions.

    I haven’t met anyone whose life is entirely negative or positive for longer-term relief practice noticing when you have feelings of satisfaction when you laugh or even when you feel proud of yourself. When you recall pleasant memories – times when things have gone well, your brain gets a boost from recalling that experience. Remembering good times can open up a more optimistic frame of reference and help you get unstuck from negative thinking and accept yourself.

    3. Express yourself.

    What else stops you from accepting yourself? Mostly, we fear what other people might think about us if we show our true selves. For example, maybe your friends all have the same opinion about a political topic, so you decide not to share your different points of view. Maybe your friends have a particular view on healthy eating and exercise, so you choose not to talk about your opinions because you don’t want to have that conversation. Or maybe your friends enjoy sharing a meal at a fancy restaurant, so you decide not to invite them to your house for the cozy dinner you’d enjoy; even as adults, we often hold back because we’re afraid of how we’ll be judged.

    It’s human nature to want to show the best sides of ourselves. Holding back your opinions occasionally is a necessary part of life — in fact, it can help make our relationships a bit easier and more enjoyable. You don’t have to share everything with everyone all the time!

    However, self-expression is problematic when you edit yourself so much that people-pleasing is your default, and your unique perspective gets lost. The result? Few of the people in your life know who you are deep down. Maybe you even start to question who you are and what you believe. Another consequence is that the critical people in your life don’t have the opportunity to accept you as you are. Most importantly, you don’t allow yourself to accept yourself as you are, either.

    4. Celebrate your strengths.

    Sometimes, focusing on your weaknesses is more accessible than celebrating your strengths. This is especially true for “problem solvers.” Everyone has things they aren’t great at doing and that’s okay. But, when you focus on those things instead of focusing on what you’re good at, too, it leads to getting stuck. If you get down on yourself regularly for things, liking yourself as much as possible will be hard. So, celebrate your strengths and discover even more about yourself. Gaining a new or broader perspective usually helps you accept yourself more.

    In sum, when you accept yourself, life is more straightforward – that’s the bottom line! It’s a process to get there. And part of that process is building habits that support your well-being and personal growth – step by step. Habits that help you feel good and continue to grow and nurture yourself with compassion and accountability make the process easier.

    How will you begin the process of accepting yourself?

  • How to Fearlessly Live Your Core Values

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    Identify your core values and learn how to live by them to build greater happiness.

    Sometimes, you can go through life without paying much attention. Maybe you move from one thing to the next, playing on your phone, without considering whether your actions match what you believe is essential – core values. But when you go through life without following your values, you can lose yourself and your ability to generate real happiness.

    Want to identify what your core values are and learn how to live them? Keep reading…

    Identify Your Values

    When you identify your values, you design a life that better aligns with your true self. It’s important to remember that values differ for everyone—you are the only one who can identify your values.

    Think about the list of values below. Write down any of the values that feel right for you. Add any other values you find that aren’t on the list.

    Values List:

    AuthenticityAdventureBalanceBraveryCompassion
    ChallengeCitizenshipCommunityCreativityCuriosity
    DeterminationFairnessFreedomFriendshipsFun
    GenerosityGrowthGritHonestyIntegrity
    JusticeKindnessKnowledgeLeadershipLearning
    LoveLoyaltyOpennessOptimismRecognition
    ResponsibilitySecuritySelf-respectConnectionSpirituality
    StabilityStatusWealthWisdomWellness
    Short List of Core Values

    Next, note your three to five most important values. For each of these, write down three or more actions defining what it means to live by these values. For example, if you value loyalty, actions might include forgiving a friend for a betrayal, negotiating fair treatment at work to ensure your commitment to your employer, or choosing not to engage in extramarital affairs.

    Now, write down one thing you have done that does not reflect each of your top three to five values. For example, if you value fun, it’s a more action-oriented choice to take the time and effort to look for fun activities to pursue.

    Next, write down what you could do differently next time. Maybe instead of bracing for the worst, you could think about what might go right, what you might learn, or what cool things you must look forward to. This activity may teach you that you can live closer to your values.

    It might be hard to follow through. Maybe you need to –

    It’s easy to go with the flow, keep the peace and lose sight of your values. It’s much harder to live by our values and do what suits us in the long run.

    What if you haven’t been living your values?

    For one woman I know—a kind, intelligent, caring person—the rift between her values and actions became apparent when she left her boyfriend’s home to gain attention and physical satisfaction from other men. It was clear that her actions went against her values. So even though her actions made her feel good at the moment, she would go home feeling terrible each night.

    For another woman I know—a strong, giving, selfless person—the growing gap between her values and actions happened when she started working in her basement office until late to avoid her responsibilities at home. Never had she been the kind of person that couldn’t handle a challenge. Never had she been willing to ignore her kids. But in the middle of the pandemic, she was overwhelmed by constant needs at home and work, all happening simultaneously. She lost track of her ability to give and receive love – one of her highest values. It was only when she reminded herself that her family was the most important thing that she reached out for help and started living her values that she rebuilt her relationships and happiness.

    The good news and bad news are that we all hold different ones. The outcome will look different for each user who loses track of our values. Many of us never ask ourselves our values or what would happen if we weren’t living them; the result is feeling lost and not knowing what to do.

    By identifying what you need to do to live your values, you can become the person you want to be. And as it gets easier to love yourselves, you start to feel happier.

    Live Your Values

    When I did a value exercise early in my career, I discovered that kindness is one of my top values. I lived this value in many ways but had some significant gaps. For one, I could be critical of my supervisees, criticizing them for minor things without a kind word. I could tell you I acted this way because I have high expectations, but while that’s true, it was a rationalization–an excuse I gave myself to justify my behavior. The truth is that living your values is hard, and I wasn’t yet ready and, as a young professional, didn’t know how and felt ashamed to ask for help.

    I could tell myself I was being kind when being stern, even blunt. But one day, I realized I was making excuses and didn’t recognize myself anymore. I was not who I wanted to be, and behaving that way wasn’t comfortable. It seemed scary to be present when I wasn’t sure how to say what needed to be said. But I decided that I had to do it, and no matter how much I fumbled, I had to live my values and be more kind and accepting.

    For each of your core values, in the last exercise, ask yourself these three questions:

    1. Are there any people with whom you have difficulty living this value? Maybe your romantic partner, parent, sibling, coworker, or friend?
    2. Are there any situations that make it difficult for you to practice this value? Where are you, and what are you doing when you don’t practice these values? For example, maybe you’re at work, at home, out at a bar, on social media, in the car, or at the daycare center.
    3. Is there anything else that makes it difficult for you to live your values? For example, maybe you live your values at the start of the day, but by nighttime, they are a distant memory.

    Once you’ve identified what triggers you to veer away from your core values, it’s essential to identify how these experiences affect you in this way.

    Ask yourself what thoughts, feelings, or bodily sensations lead you to behave differently than you would like to. Also, ask if any people or situations lead you away from your values.

    The emotions that trigger you may be the same across all situations, or they may be different. Write down anything that you think might lead you away from your values. These emotions, thoughts, and associated bodily sensations are the foundation of what causes you to abandon your values. When we act in a way inconsistent with our values, we attempt to regulate or reduce our negative emotions, even temporarily. By acknowledging this and changing your habits, you can start to live by your values and improve your lives. Changing your life is never easy, but it’s always worth it.