I found the answer was to take care of my needs that I had buried while taking care of everything and everyone. It was the simple yet challenging step that led to longer-lasting happiness and contentment, which means – peace.
What do you really want?
I’ve found that I want a few essential things. I care about the people around me and my own needs and for all of us to be happy and fulfilled.
I also care about people who aren’t close to me and who I don’t often think of.
If things are going well, I’m good at thinking about everyone in my life and making sure I’m contributing in some way to their happiness.
Sometimes, though, even when things are going well, that’s not enough for me. I want things to be even better. What I don’t want to be stressed out all the time.
I think about what you really need to be happy.
We often look for happiness in things we think we can do something about. But when we look for it in the things that don’t seem to change, I wonder whether there is more than peace.
For the high-achieving career women I work with, struggling to find the space and time for themselves while caring for their family, maintaining connections with friends, and pursuing their interests is challenging.
Many single women are often convinced that they’ll be happy if they find the “right” relationship. It’s hard to give up the fairytale that was ingrained in our psyche so long ago. It’s so pervasive in children’s stories that even as an adult who knows her relationship with herself is what leads to inner peace, the wish that the fairy godmother will show up with her magic wand is a solid image to change.
Women who feel responsible for everyone else’s happiness and feel guilty for not being able to contribute to it, even after spending time meeting their own needs, can wear down even the most resilient of women.
The most important thing is that you are happy.
You are responsible for it, but don’t let that throw you off track. I’ll repeat it.
The most important thing is that you are happy. Don’t put the responsibility for your happiness on anyone else, even your spouse or partner. Although they can significantly contribute to your happiness, the outcome of your life is ultimately up to you.
But some things could make you happy. For instance, if your spouse or partner can do something to bring you happiness, let them. If they can’t, then the best thing to do is for you to take steps to bring about happiness on your own. The thing I want you to remember is there is no magic wand.
There’s nothing that will automatically make you happy
It’s not the day that:
- The kids go to college.
- You get the big promotion you’ve worked the last ten years to achieve.
- Drive off from the car dealership in your dream car.
Your understanding of what is important to you will change. It’s fun to enjoy the freedom of choice success brings, like sending the kids to college or the income from the promotion and driving a nice car feels good, but don’t let that stop you from pursuing what brings you a deep sense of fulfillment.
If you think when things are going well, but that’s not enough for me, you’re probably moving toward fulfillment.
“I want things to be even better,” it a kind of declaration that you need to take steps towards the peace that brings fulfillment.
To me, peace is an accomplishment, but it’s not the biggest achievement in life.