Month: April 2023

  • 28 Quotes to Inspire Optimism and Energize Your Life

    • by
    blog title graphic with a purple modern flower on a beige background that says, 28 quotes to inspire optimism and energize your life powerfulcalm.com

    If you clicked on this post, I’m guessing that a positive quote and a few words of inspiration are some things in life that boost you.

    I love a great quote to –

    • make sense of confusing situations
    • support a more optimistic point of view
    • spark motivation when it’s low
    • reminder to be patient
    • practice compassion and gratitude

    So many ways that quotes nourish the mind and inspire living your life with optimism and intention.

    Quotes are one type of affirmation.

    I like to think of them as a holder of your values. When you include quotes in your daily life that speak to where you’ve been, where you are, or where you’re going, they help you focus on how you want to live your life.

    Most quotes take just a minute to read, yet they hold much power.

    Here are some examples of how you easily use them throughout your day:

    -> Help you maintain a positive attitude – save it as your smartphone screen.

    -> Help your motivation at work – in a paper planner write your quote in your planner at the start of the week or in an electronic calendar put it in the header, with either option you’ll see it every time you check your schedule.

    -> You can also display positive quotes—on a Post-it, your cell phone case, or your fridge. Putting positive quotes where you can easily read them a great reminders to shift your mindset and help you achieve your goals.

    Remember – we can get used to seeing and ‘editing’ them and stop paying attention to them – just like the pile of paper on the counter, so you’ll want to move them around occasionally.

    Positive thinking & growth mindset

    Positive quotes and daily affirmations rely on optimism and a growth mindset. Although positive quotes and daily affirmations are different, their idea is similar: they help shift your mindset toward a more optimistic point of view that can improve your life.

    Research also shows the benefits of positive affirmations and positive thinking.

    In one study about the psychological impact of the September 11th terrorist attacks, researchers found that positive thoughts and positive emotions buffer against depression and sustain thriving in resilient people. Also, positive thinking can benefit your overall well-being, including less depression, a reduced risk of cardiovascular-related death, and even increased life expectancy.

    I hope you find this list helpful!

    They are short, easy to keep in mind, and powerful, so they make an impact.

    Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light

    Albus Dumbledore

    Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.

    Carl Jung

    The most effective way to do it is to do it.

    Amelia Earhart

    If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.

    Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

    The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.

    Marcus Aurelius

    Say goodbye to your inner critic and take this pledge to be kinder to yourself and others.

    Oprah Winfrey

    I can’t think of any better representation of beauty than someone who is unafraid to be herself.

    Emma Stone

    Today is a good day to try.

    Quasimodo

    When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

    Lao Tzu

    Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.

    Albert Einstein

    We know what we are but know not what we may be.

    William Shakespeare

    No one can construct for you the bridge upon which precisely you must cross the stream of life, no one but you yourself alone.

    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Don’t sit down and wait for the opportunities to come. Get up and make them.

    Madam C.J Walker

    Success is not final; failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    Winston Churchill

    Believe you can and you’re halfway there.

    Theodore Roosevelt

    I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.

    Michael Jordan

    You define beauty yourself. Society doesn’t define your beauty.

    Lady Gaga

    People often say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder.

    Salma Hayek

    I’m excited about the aging process. I’m more interested in women who aren’t perfect. They’re more compelling.

    Emma Watson

    You have power over your mind–not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.

    Marcus Aurelius

    I do not wish women to have power over men, but over themselves.

    Mary Shelley

    Women belong in all places where decisions are being made. It shouldn’t be that women are the exception.

    Ruth Bader Ginsburg

    Real change, enduring change, happens one step at a time.

    James Baldwin

    It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.

    Charles Darwin

    If you do not change direction, you might end up where you are heading.

    Lao Tzu

    There is nothing permanent except change.

    Heraclitus

    If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.

    Maya Angelou

    Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.

    Rumi

    Conclusion

    I hope these quotes help focus your mind and steer your thoughts toward a more optimistic future!

  • How to Stop Weighing Yourself and Feel Good Anyway

    • by
    blog title graphic with a pink modern flower on a beige background that says, how to stop weighing yourself and feel good anyway powerfulcalm.com

    Weighing yourself is one of the worst ways to feel good about yourself or get a handle on stress eating.

    If you ever stress eating, weighing yourself usually leads to negative thoughts or opinions that prevent you from feeling good about your body, boundaries, and confidence.

    This is your body, your greatest gift, pregnant with wisdom you do not hear, grief you thought was forgotten, and joy you have never known.

    Marion Woodman

    The facts about daily weighing yourself and stress eating.

    A study in 2015 tracked participants over ten years and showed that self-weighing is associated with increased weight concerns and depression. The study also showed decreased body satisfaction and self-esteem over those ten years, especially for the women in the study.

    If you stress eat, weighing yourself can be one of the most effective ways to feel bad about yourself.

    Daily weighing can lead to increased stress eating rather than decreasing it.

    Ironically a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ scale number can both trigger overeating—whether it’s a congratulatory eating party or a consolation party.

    Evelyn Tribole

    Many people find the external verification of daily weight helpful in some respects. Some research has shown that it can be beneficial. Daily weighing with email support was helpful in weight loss in this study. Another study by the same group in 2014 showed no ill psychological effects of daily weighing.

    Now, don’t get me wrong, I love data. I like to see the data for many things, especially when making decisions. It helps me to understand if the assumptions about a particular thing are accurate.

    Regarding health behaviors, it helps to determine if what people say they do matches what they do. This gives me a better idea of how to be helpful to my clients.

    But, when the data is “bad” – it’s not accurate or misleading, it doesn’t help with anything. This type of information can have dire consequences. One piece of “bad” data is the importance we give to the number on the scale. It only gives you information about mass. It can’t provide information on the health of your body systems like heart rate, blood pressure, blood sugar, bone density, etc.

    And yet, so many thoughts and feelings are assumed, usually negatively, from this one piece of data you have in your control – weighing yourself.

    If you stress eat, the scale is not your friend!

    There’s no real reason to weigh yourself at home. It can’t tell you anything about the nutrient density of the food you eat and the effects of what you eat on your body. And it certainly doesn’t tell you anything positive about your relationship with your body, especially – instead, it usually creates more stress!

    Yet, these are all things that you might unconsciously hope that it would do.

    If the scale is down, you feel great about yourself. But when it’s up, especially if it’s a significant number, your mood plummets, your motivation for self-care fades, and self-compassion is nowhere in sight.

    If you break the habit of weighing yourself, you can become more engaged in a relationship with your body where you work together rather than rule over your body.

    You will have the opportunity to get to know yourself in different ways, like…

    • What kind of movement energizes you?
    • What kind of movement do you enjoy?
    • What type of food gives you the energy you need?
    • What type of food feels good in your body?
    • What type of attitude or thought process moves you toward your goals?
    • What type of conversations do you find fulfilling?

    The list goes on and on. Mainly, when you are aware of your internal needs, hopes and desires, you can actually get what you want in life. And this has nothing to do with weighing yourself!

    People always ask me, ‘You have so much confidence. Where did that come from?’ It came from me. One day I decided that I was beautiful, and so I carried out my life as if I was a beautiful girl … It doesn’t have anything to do with how the world perceives you. What matters is what you see. Your body is your temple, it’s your home, and you must decorate it.

    Gabourey Sidibe

    Move away from external validation and toward internal validation.

    If you want a better relationship with yourself, you must shift from external validation – waiting for other’s approval to feel good. Instead, internal validation is trusting yourself to do what you need for your well-being and acknowledging the benefits you receive. This is the way out of stress eating, negative body image and low self-esteem.

    How is feedback different from external validation?

    External information is helpful in some situations. Say, when your boss gives you feedback on a presentation. You need to know what worked and what didn’t, if you said too many “um’s,” if you covered all the required material, etc.

    Getting feedback from a loved one or good friend about the outfit you plan to wear for the presentation is also helpful. Does it fit the tone of the presentation, the audience, the lighting/stage, etc? It’s beneficial to double-check when you value the perspective of the other about a specific situation.

    The stereotypical question, “Do I look fat in this?” is usually about more than appearance. Do you accept me regardless of any judgments I might have about my size, or are you judging me, too?

    Since the question usually isn’t about appearance, if talked about how you feel, would it be more helpful to you?

    • I’m nervous about meeting new people at the party.
    • I’m not comfortable in this outfit.
    • I don’t want to give this presentation.
    • I need reassurance/encouragement that it will be okay.

    Becoming more connected with what you’re feeling and experiencing helps you live more authentically and guides you in the direction you want your life to go.

    3 Questions to ask yourself before getting on the scale.

    What do you want to receive from the scale?

    If you need the data from the scale for medication or some other medical reason, then can you let go of weighing yourself at home and only at your doctor’s office?

    Can you relieve yourself from this stress?

    What do you think the scale will tell you if there isn’t a medical reason to weigh yourself outside the doctor’s office?

    That you’re:

    • healthy
    • a good person
    • attractive
    • in control
    • out of control

    Maybe you have other ways to assess how you’re doing. One of them is to pay closer attention to how you feel in your body. If you start or regularly engage in physical activity, can you use increased skill level, speed, distance/duration and feeling more fit/comfortable for feedback instead of weighing yourself?

    Maybe this shift in mindset allows you to have a positive conversation with yourself. Part of getting out of stress eating is bringing your emotions more fully into your awareness so you can use them to support yourself. This is something that you can’t get from weighing yourself.

    When you have a clear picture of your life, feeling bad about yourself is challenging. There’s a point where it takes more effort to feel destructive than good. When many of my clients try it, the effort becomes so ludicrous that they realize what’s happening, smile, and remind themselves that they don’t need that anymore! They’re further down the road of growth than they knew.

    Why do you own a scale?

    Most people say they need it “to check my weight.” But, if you gained or lost weight, would you know by the way your clothes fit? Remember, the scale can only measure mass and nothing else.

    Is there something more meaningful to you? Could you receive validation from work – a job well done, volunteering – giving back to the community, faith – connection with your values, friendship – being present, etc? Do these areas give you a better sense of who you are as a human being?

    Are there other ways to “measure” or assess if you’re getting what you need?

    Data and weighing yourself cannot quantify your needs – that’s all it is!

    It’s pretty impossible to say, “I only need 20 percent of love today” or “Right now, I need 100 percent compassion.” By living an intentional life and developing your well-being skills, you’ll find that, after a difficult day, self-compassion gives you so much more comfort than getting on the scale or stress eating does.

    Self-compassion helps you to understand where you are, what you need and the confidence to move forward.

    My second to the last question – how much does the scale pull you out of living an intentional life and drop you back into a disconnected relationship with yourself where stress eating is the norm? It’s a big question.

    What I know is that a healthy relationship with yourself and those in your life can be a nest of love, and in the end, isn’t that one of the things you truly want?

  • 3 Fundamentals to Train Your Brain for Happiness

    • by
    blog title graphic with blue modern flowers on a beige background that says, 3 fundamentals to train your brain for happiness, powerfulcalm.com

    How to help your brain create shortcuts for happiness.

    “Have you found happiness?” Whenever I hear this question, I think of it as asking about something lost and, if so, where it could be. But happiness isn’t something you need to search for, like a long-lost treasure; it’s a matter of learning skills to train your brain for happiness.

    When we talk about “finding” happiness, the assumption is usually that you’re not happy; it’s something you’re missing and you should look for it like a 6-week-old puppy who excitedly runs out the front door and doesn’t know his way home quite yet. But it’s not…

    Happiness is something we create.  

    Like anything built to last, happiness needs a strong foundation before you add the details that make it uniquely your own.

    The foundation for happiness is built with a specific set of skills—happiness skills. These skills can be brain-based, emotional, or behavioral, including positive self-talk, gratitude, self-compassion, and many others.

    If you practice these skills enough, happiness will become second nature. You won’t need to consider them because they become how you live your life.

    How do you train your brain for happiness so it becomes second nature? 

    When you learned to ride a bike, it was probably really hard at first. You practiced how to balance and peddling became more comfortable the more you practiced.

    Now, when you ride a bike, you don’t think about how to ride it or focus on keeping your balance; it feels effortless—almost automatic.

    Training your brain for happiness works the same way. So, when you have the right skills and practice them enough, they become automatic. 

    How does your brain create new habits?

    The thing about your brain is that it does a lot and it works hard at it. When your brain has a task that it has to do frequently (riding the bike), it creates shortcuts that save energy and time so you have what you need as quickly as possible. This is why things that felt impossible before you learned how to do them, like starting and completing a task, now feel easy. It is so easy that you most likely don’t consider it a skill you learned.

    The same thing happens when you train your brain for happiness.

    For instance, most of us aren’t born with skills like gratitude or mindfulness. You learn these skills when you train your brain to create shortcuts, so you recognize opportunities for gratitude or mindfulness when they happen and apply them. Each time you practice, it gets easier and more accessible, just like riding a bike!

    Happiness skills enable you to respond to life’s ups with excitement, joy, and positivity. They also help you build resilience when life gets complicated because we all experience challenges, disappointments and grief.

    At this point, your only obstacle is building a solid foundation to train your brain for happiness.

    Here are the three fundamentals to build a strong foundation:

    1. Prioritize the skills that make a difference. 

    Let’s use math as an example. Pretend you moved to a new school. Because I don’t know what you learned at your previous school, I would give you a placement test to determine which skills you have mastered and still need to learn. You are ready for algebra, so I put you in an algebra class. Great – you’re all set!

    But what if I didn’t test your skill level? Instead, I just put you in a calculus class. Most likely, you’d struggle.

    Or maybe you were ready for calculus and I put you in an algebra class. More than likely, you’d be bored.

    Or maybe you skipped some steps and don’t know multiplication and division yet. Then you’d have a heck of a time keeping up with either algebra or calculus; I know I would have! Learning the right skills is essential to train your brain for practical happiness skills.

    Some practical happiness skills are:

    • Mindful meditation
    • Gratitude Journal
    • Mindful eating
    • Reframing negative experiences
    • Optimism practice and positive self-talk
    • Journaling and self-compassion practice
    • Clear communication
    • Emotional Mastery
    • Exercise
    • Setting boundaries

    2. Practice makes progress!

    When was the last time you learned a new skill—maybe learning a new language, playing an instrument, or enjoying a new craft? Did it take instruction, trial and error and learning until you reached mastery?

    How long until you felt competent, even good at it? If you are average, learning a new skill takes time and effort.

    But I do have some good news. You can make the happiness process faster by correctly practicing the right skills. More specifically, you can practice the skills that have the most significant impact on happiness and practice them in the most enjoyable ways for you. This way, you’ll make more progress in less time and be less likely to quit along the way.

    3. Progress

    In the happiness programs I’ve taught, I am amazed at how quickly people progress when they train their brains for happiness. Their brains are now wired to increase awareness of how to focus on the possibilities for growth, kindness, compassion and gratitude – all essential ingredients for happiness. But just when people start to feel comfortable with their new happiness skills, they hit a brick wall.

    Why does this happen? After prioritizing skills and practicing them for a while, you can hit a plateau or backslide to where you started. This is normal when you learn new habits. The phenomenon is known as the hedonic treadmill. You are forever running and not getting anywhere – you aren’t moving forward. To solve this problem, get off the treadmill and switch things up regularly. Learn new skills and change up your “go-to” solutions to keep things fresh as you expand your skill set.

    Imagine this. Returning to our math example, you learn addition in the first grade.

    Then, in second grade, you learn addition again.

    And in the third grade, guess what you learn? Addition.

    To make progress and improve, you have to switch things up now and again. So, when you feel confident with a happiness skill or feel backsliding, see what else you need to learn and challenge yourself.

  • How to Have a Better Relationship with Food

    • by
    blog title graphic with an orange flower on a beige background that says, how to have a better relationship with food powerfulcalm.com

    A better relationship with food comes from setting kind food limits.

    So, what is a kind food limit? It is a limit that supports you, opens up growth opportunities you want, and ultimately leads to greater well-being.

    A kind food limit considers what you desire for taste and pleasure and what your body needs to work well and feel good.

    It also accounts for how you feel when you eat a particular food (physically, mentally, and emotionally). It also helps you check your energy needs now and soon so you have the fuel you need.

    The big picture of kind food limits is that they help you make food choices that you feel good about, so you can stop eating for good.

    That’s to say, you feel good in a well-rounded sense. You feel satisfied, so you can focus on what’s happening in your life rather than thinking about food. Satisfaction is essential because if you don’t enjoy what you’re eating, you’ll feel like something is missing. And that’s the perfect setup for mindless stress eating that leaves you unsatisfied and disappointed.

    Kind food limits are primarily positive, moving you toward something you need or desire.

    Some examples are:

    • Planning a meal at a favorite restaurant
    • Enjoying a meal with a friend
    • Looking forward to your favorite comfort meal or dessert

    It could also be a little less glamorous and commit to a meal simply because you know your body needs it to feel better.

    You also need the nutrition to fuel your body, considering what you’ve got going on for the rest of the day. You might drink a glass of milk with lunch rather than soda because that’s what you need today. Tomorrow, you may have different needs.

    When you come home from vacation or after the holidays, you might need to eat more of the food you missed in the previous days or weeks. Or you might need to reset food limits, especially after enjoying traditional feasting foods around holidays. Eating isn’t perfect and there isn’t a need for judgement either. Life happens in cycles and kind food limits support you regardless of the cycle you’re in at the moment.

    Eating more traditional desserts around holidays is part of how I connect with my culture. I eat those conventional foods in a concentrated way because they are time-consuming to make, are part of meals with family and friends, and are a connection with my ancestors.

    If I lived in Italy, I would have a different experience. I know I would enjoy those foods more frequently, but less of them, with a great cup of coffee and engaging conversation sitting outside in the sunshine. But right now, I’m in the States and it’s a very different vibe!

    If you’re like most of us and busy during work hours, it’s often a grab-what-is-available situation – it’s easy to quiet your hunger, but ultimately, most of the time, it’s not what you want to eat. Sometimes, this is just how it goes, but when every day is a grab-and-go type, it can become nearly impossible to set kind food limits.

    Well-balanced meals – most of the time – support you in a variety of different ways.

    After eating a well-balanced meal, you’ll probably feel:

    • emotionally more aware
    • focused on your task
    • thinking more clearly
    • resting more deeply
    • managing feelings more accurately and peacefully

    Kind food limits also help you stop mindless eating and stress eating sooner than expected.

    Reaching for the candy bowl on your coworker’s desk, just because it’s there, can become a habit. You might even find that you walk by the coworker’s desk when you want a piece of candy!

    The feel-good part of your brain excitedly lights up at the thought of candy, and then the sight of it can start the cascade of relief before you’ve even taken a bite.

    But eating candy right before you have a big chunk of work to get done and a deadline to meet isn’t always a good idea.

    Give yourself a moment to consider the desired outcome and decide based on what you want.

    Making a choice now means saying, “Not right now.” It doesn’t mean banishing candy; candy is made for pure enjoyment. Eating for enjoyment is part of normal eating. Kind food limits are about kindness and care – of yourself and your long-term well-being.

    Setting kind food limits is a very achievable goal! A kind food limit helps you be more aware of your needs. What your brain needs for fulfillment, your mind needs for satisfaction and your body needs for energy.

    Here are three practical steps you can take to set kind food limits:

    1. Identify what you’re hungry for and if you’re even hungry.

    Slow down rather than reaching for what’s immediately available. Getting what you want and need may take some planning and time. You’re worth the wait!

    2. Notice food rules like, “If I have this pie, I’ll need to work out x number of hours!”

    Listening to yourself requires that you become quiet and still for a moment as you learn about your needs and make decisions based on kind food limits.

    3. Eat until you’re satisfied.

    Eating to satisfaction usually happens when you eat a well-balanced meal with protein, carbs and fat. Use your body as your guide and trust the feedback you receive for what works for you. When you thrive, it’s easier on your system, and your body feels better.

    Being quiet so you can hear your body’s feedback is the pathway to developing kind food limits.

    Get to know what supports your well-being and what you like – it’s a winning combination that benefits you for years to come!