Month: September 2021

  • How To Stop Negative Thoughts That Result in Stress Eating

    Blog post graphic with modern flowers with the title, What to do when Negative Thoughts Result in Stress Eating, powerfulcalm.com written on a beige background.

    I would bet that most people view stress as a negative; for my clients who struggle with stress eating, that’s especially true.

    The human mind has a funny way of making things worse. When you feel that it will be hard to succeed, it usually is. I’ll show how your negative thoughts manifest and give you steps to deal with them to prevent the problem. For food not to be a coping tool, you need to change those thoughts from negative to neutral. Viewing them clearly as they are and looking forward towards your future goals is the answer.

    A negative thought is not the same thing as a negative attitude.

    Most of us have experienced our share of stressful events in our lives. These can be work-related or personal. The stress that comes with these adverse events is often labeled as being negative thoughts, but they are both.

    Your mind can easily conjure up a scary image of what could happen if this or that happens, etc. This picture is in your head and says, “If that’s true, then I’m going to need something to eat.” And that’s what makes it so difficult. It’s a coping mechanism.

    1. How negative thoughts work.

    So how does this work? How does the mind do that? Your mind creates a scenario that could occur if that negative thought were true. Let’s say you have been thinking negatively about being fired from your job. You could create a scenario in which you lose your home, you don’t have much money, and you become homeless. When the thought comes to mind, an image of what could happen appears, and pressure builds.

    Your blood starts to leave your brain. It flows down to the rest of your body like you’re a zombie. But you’re not a zombie. It’s difficult to think clearly because stress is flooding the brain areas associated with stress. This is what it’s like when you are trying to cope with stress by eating – you are not fully present or making choices – it’s an automatic process. Now it’s time for coping mechanism number two: food.

    2. Food is security.

    What’s your mind’s second coping mechanism to cope with stress? It uses food. When you think negatively about being fired from your job, the connection with food leads to a desire for food. You see your mind’s picture of what could happen to you, leading you straight to comfort food. What happens then is that instead of thinking about the future or the present, you’re focused on how much comfort food can fulfill those feelings or needs for security because of all this stress.

    3. Food is a distraction.

    Eating is a coping mechanism to calm and soothe and cope with stress. When people suffer from stress eating, they eat comfort food because it calms them down and takes away the stress. But the problem with eating this way is that it does not resolve the issue of stress any more than rubbing a sore knee does because you still have a sore knee, only now you’ve added food to your list. The issue remains.

    Negative thoughts and stress eating solutions.

    So, how do you make this not happen to you? Here are some helpful suggestions:

    1. List your stressors.

    Make a list of all your stressors. Once the list is complete, divide them into those within your control and those out of your control. If there are any items on the list that you feel are in your control, write down how you would try to change these things if they were yours to change. Next to each item that’s out of your control, write down what it could be if it were in your control. For example, If the only thing out of your control is the weather, then write down what you can do to prepare for this. But if it’s something else, like your boss is a micro-manager, then list things you can change within your work environment to improve it.

    2. List your negative thoughts.

    Write down the negative thoughts that you have most often. Once these are written down, look at them and ask yourself what they mean. Is there a reason why you’re thinking this? Is it true?

    Think of a time when you faced similar stress and how you dealt with it. This will give you insight into what you’re thinking and why. Write down these things in your journal so that when negative thoughts come to mind, you can look at them and ask yourself, “Is this true?”

    3. Challenge your negative thoughts.

    Finally, don’t let negative thoughts about something outside your control remain unchallenged. A positive way to deal with them is to challenge them and say to yourself, “If it were true, then this would occur.” For example: “If I dropped dead tomorrow, then all my friends would say they will miss me.” When this is genuinely true (and it might not always be), the mind will believe it and do everything possible to ensure it happens.

    Conclusion

    So, remember, negative thoughts are not the same as negative attitudes. One is an attitude; one is a thought. But they are related to each other. So, if you have the attitude, “I’m negative all the time,” that will lead you to think negative thoughts about things that may or may not be accurate. A habit of positive thinking will help you to avoid putting these negative thoughts into your mind, which could lead you to harmful coping behaviors like comfort eating.

  • How to Change Your Relationship With Stress!

    Blog title graphic with modern flowers and beige background that says, How to change your relationship with stress and change your life, powerfulcalm.com

    There are two ways most people think about reducing your stress:

    1. Quick “fix” tools or strategies to push stress away.
    2. Shift the way you relate to stress.

    When you do both, you have self-knowledge, tools, and skills. Which leads you to be in control of your emotions and responses to whatever happens in your life.

    Relying on “quick fix” strategies to deal with stress can leave you feeling stressed and stuck.

    Long-term strategies can be so overwhelming you can get swept up in not knowing how to lower it right now.

    There are a lot of strategies for coping with stress, but what works when you need it most is the goal.

    Sustainable Stress Solutions

    A sustainable system for quick reductions, like when someone cuts you off on the freeway. And long-term, big-picture ways to keep your baseline level lower, like when you have small children, your business is expanding, or anything else that happens over a long time.

    Changing your relationship so that you’re in control even when it seems there’s no way you can be. The trite saying, the only thing we can count on is death and taxes. But I think we should also add stress to the list too. It will always be a part of life.

    Things will pop up unexpectedly, like:

    • The dog eats another sock and needs to go to the vet.
    • Your computer crashes when you’re in the middle of a transaction.
    • Your child must be picked up from school early because she has a sore throat.
    • You need to help your aging parents transition out of their home.
    • No matter how much you try, the 20 pounds you gained in lockdown isn’t going anywhere!

    So how do you change your relationship with stress and why is it a relationship anyway?

    We are always in a relationship with someone or something.

    Relationships are about interactions with others and the environment. It’s true for ourselves, too – we have relationships with thoughts, feelings, and actions that we take.

    We’re in the process of both experiencing and creating meaning at the same time.

    The more complex the relationship, the deeper and more critical the relationship’s meaning in our lives.

    Stress is part of our complex relationship with ourselves.

    One effective way of dealing with stress is to understand that you are always in a relationship with stress.

    Instead of trying to remove stress from your life, view it as an essential part of your life. Stress is something to be aware of and always in relationship with whatever else you are experiencing.

    As we all know, relationships have hundreds of different aspects operating simultaneously.

    Internalized Meaning

    We have internalized meanings based on all the experiences we have lived:

    • what our parents said to us
    • meaning we attached to specific emotions
    • what our parents’ beliefs are vs. our own
    • how teachers treated us
    • what value was placed on communicating our thoughts and feelings

    These are usually the unexamined assumptions we make about life. You might notice them when you have a judgment about someone’s decisions. 

    Take politics, for example; if you have strong opinions on one side, you might be utterly perplexed at how the opposite side believes what they believe.

    Most likely, the internalized meanings the other has fundamentally oppose your own internalized meanings that shape how you think the country needs to be governed.

    Externalized Meaning

    We have externalized meanings about a lot of things, like:

    • assessments from our teachers, bosses, parents, etc.
    • what we interpret others are thinking – without confirmation
    • values you receive from society, religion, work, school, etc.
    • implied meaning from laws and rules that give you a code of conduct

    Externalized meaning tells you the larger culture’s viewpoint on how to behave or what you should do to get along with others. We often assume that the meaning is correct and that it is THE way to live your life.

    Sometimes they are; it’s not good to kill people and there will be both societal and personal consequences if you do. Most people will feel regretful if they kill someone. Regret may be a personal consequence, but there are exceptions to societal consequences like self-defense, war and accidents – all based on the meaning the external forces give to the situation.

    What changes our relationship with stress?

    The internalized and externalized meanings shape your relationship with specific emotions and guide you on which action to take based on the meaning. If you struggle with emotional mastery, it’s challenging to be in alignment with what you need and want in your life, which increases your baseline level of stress. The relationship with stress changes all the time. You’re more likely to react out of self-protection than to mindfully choose what is congruent with what you need and want.

    We all need quick fixes some of the time. When you’re feeling an immediate escalation of distress, anger, or fear, calming your brain as quickly as possible might be what’s best. Tools, techniques, and strategies that you can rely on are what’s needed at the moment.

    The problem is that, at best, we’re taught quick fixes as if they are the only option. Sometimes, we’re not taught anything other than “just learn how to deal with it.” It was not very helpful since there were no instructions about what to learn!

    Stress will always be with us in some form since we have a relationship with stress.

    It’s a tension in life that can help to propel you forward to where you want to be.

    Wrapping Up

    Burnout and feeling overwhelmed aren’t possible when stress is kept at an overall lower level.

    You can establish well-being habits that help you quickly decrease stress spikes and live with a lower baseline stress level.

    If you can change how you think about stress, love, life and its meaning, you can make it work for you instead of against you. It’s different than trying to avoid, eliminate, or ignore stress; it’s working with what happens in your life and making meaning that moves you forward.

  • How Powerful Calm Makes Your Life Better

    Blog post title image with modern flowers and title on a beige background that says: "how powerful calm makes your life better" powerfulcalm.com

    Wouldn’t it be great if you could reduce your stress in a few minutes? The good news is that you can.

    It takes three key concepts and a straightforward framework to get started. Powerful Calm is based on the latest research on stress relief. It provides an easy way to take control of your health and lower your levels of everyday stress. This article introduces you to the concepts and Powerful Calm framework so you can easily experience stress relief.

    The Powerful Calm Formula has three components: emotional mastery, clear communication and well-being habits.

    The Powerful Calm formula connects you to what matters most – a satisfying and fulfilling life. This happens in all areas of your life – your family, your career and most of all within yourself!

    The Power Calm framework is simple, sustainable and most of all it’s not a band-aid!

    It gives you a guide to help you understand how to reduce your stress level and achieve what you want for your life. The Powerful Calm formula has three parts: emotional mastery, clear communication and well-being habits. Each part of the Powerful Calm formula has action steps that will provide short-term and long-term benefits as they become part of your routine.

    Emotional Mastery

    Emotional mastery is:

    • building your mind/body emotional vocabulary
    • increasing curiosity about your emotional needs
    • using your knowledge to take care of yourself.

    What emotional mastery gives you is the knowledge about what you need for your well-being. The result is the ability to choose how to respond to any situation rather than allowing those situations to control you.

    When you become a master of your emotions, you gain an understanding of the effect that emotional intensity has on your experiences.

    This is important because it’s easier to respond in a way that matches your emotional needs in the moment. Matching your needs is vital to move through challenging emotions more easily and enjoy pleasant emotions more. The power to control your reactions is within reach, whether you feel anxious, angry, or calm and happy.

    The choice about how you respond rather than being controlled by your emotions is where you find your power – it’s the ultimate self-control!

    Emotional mastery goes beyond assuming accountability for the situation or outcome. It helps you to understand what led up to the emotional response and where you can go from there.

    Emotional mastery is the foundation of clarity.

    It’s challenging to move forward when you’re cluttered with emotions or stuck on one. However, when you master your emotions, push them away with immediate mindless reactions. You can take your time and mindfully choose how you need to respond.

    Clear Communication

    Every relationship needs effective communication for it to thrive. Lack of communication can undo what you’ve learned about emotional mastery and well-being habits in the first place!

    The most important person to be straightforward with is yourself!

    There is no fluff or excuses, just self-compassion and accountability.

    Solid self-talk can help reduce stress in all situations, especially when the stakes are high or emotions run hot.

    Effective communication with yourself is being honest and conversing without getting too worked up about things that don’t matter so that you can respond to a situation congruently.

    Sometimes, it’s taking the perspective of an observer and having the conversation with yourself like you would your most cherished friend.

    • Strong and loving
    • Kind and firm
    • Compassionate and honest

    You can only be transparent with others and meet your needs when clear with yourself. The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. You’re always in your head, so why not make it the most pleasant relationship?

    Clear communication is a skill you can develop at any time in your life

    Well-being Habits

    Most of the time, we think we’re doing okay. Your head is above water, no matter how hard you kick to stay that way. You’re okay and everything is under control, but something happens, maybe a work deadline or an argument with your significant other.

    For most of my clients, stress has become a big part of their lives without them realizing it. What leads them to seek help is that the automatic stress reactions begin to harm their lives.

    • Being short with others
    • Long-term irritability
    • stress eating/drinking/over-exercise/no exercise/not enjoying life

    Emotional mastery and clear communication allow you to respond to stress instead of immediately reacting. When you master your emotions mindlessly, impulsively over or under-reacting doesn’t happen anymore.

    Well-being habits aren’t about becoming someone else or changing who you are. They’re about being open to change and making small changes that have a significant impact over time.

    Well-being habits are:

    • meditation/quiet time/reading/listening to music
    • mind/body practice like walking, yoga, stretching
    • connected conversations

    These are just a few examples. Well-being habits are more than flossing daily; they enhance your connection with yourself and the people in your life.

    Like any good habit, they become part of your life because you benefit greatly. And a bonus is that those around you benefit, too. You’ll become a leader in living a mindful, anti-stress lifestyle.

    When you recognize the power of well-being habits, it’s easier to become proactive in doing daily things to help bring more calm into your life.

    Wrapping up

    Power Calm is a simple framework to support your stress reduction and increase well-being with emotional mastery, clear communication, and well-being habits.

    With the Powerful Calm Formula, small changes in your thinking, behavior, and connection with yourself can make a huge difference in your stress level.

    This is what makes you powerful in your ability to keep calm.

    Each step along the way gives you powerful results:

    • Self-knowledge that leads to clear action
    • Clarity that leads to needs being met
    • Satisfaction that leads to fulfillment

    The power comes from knowing who you are and what you need your life to be.