Month: November 2021

  • It’s Not About The Mashed Potatoes

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    blog post title graphic with a yellow modern leaves on a beige background that says, it's not about the mashed potatoes powerfulcalm.com

    It’s not about the mashed potatoes or anything else on this list – it’s about listening to your voice.

    It’s not about the mashed potatoes, pie, rolls, or whatever you enjoy eating.

    It’s not about emotional eating.

    It’s not about stress.

    It’s not about feeling too full.

    It’s not about being hungry.

    It’s not about exercising away the calories.

    It’s not about being wrong.

    It’s not about being unworthy.

    It’s not about your childhood.

    It’s not about your poor choices.

    It’s not about your lack of control.

    It’s not about willpower.

    It’s not about finding the reason why.

    It’s not about wishing and hoping.

    It’s not about waiting to be rescued.

    It’s not about rewriting history.

    It’s not about your successes.

    It’s not about your failures.

    It’s not about any of these things.

    What it’s about is stepping consciously and fully into your life and taking the risk to be different.

    This is why many people don’t choose this path and do the same thing repeatedly because it’s safe.

    The big question is, does staying the same cost you what you want?

    What else is there that matters?

    Life is too short to sacrifice your happiness and strive for goals that aren’t what you want or need. 

    Living in alignment with what you need is the path to fulfillment.

    You can make your life your own by getting inspiration from others and creating something new that fits your life. Follow your path and do what works for you.

    It’s important to be good with yourself since you live with yourself in your head 24/7.

    • What’s it like in there?
    • Is it a place you would welcome others to come in for a visit?
    • Do you want more for yourself?

    You are listening to your voice.

    Focusing on the latest fad diet workout, meditation trend, or the latest stress quick fix can make stress build rather than help to reduce stress. This can take you further away from what you want your life to be. In those times when you find yourself stress eating and unconsciously reaching for another handful of chips, it’s confirmation that stress is in control.

    Sensible advice is often lost when you’re desperate for change. And unable to patiently pay closer attention to what you need for more self-awareness.

    If you allowed yourself to set your intentions and live more mindfully, would you be further along than if you chased the latest fad?

    Listening to your voice takes courage and grit.

    Others in your life might not like it.

    It might mean they must adjust and get used to a more vocal, honest you. Many people will outright disagree that you’re doing what’s right. Others will see you change and try convincing you to follow their advice instead of cultivating your voice.

    You need to stay the course.

    You’re good if your path is healthy, self-compassioned and aligned with your intentions.

    Are there dreams you want to become reality, but you’re scared?

    Think about how you feel after you’ve earned something rather than receiving it as a gift. Usually, people say that their sense of self changes. Every time you learn something new, you add to your self-knowledge. This is a precious gift.

    Therefore, when you take a risk you might find that:

    • Challenges make you stronger.
    • You start believing that you can trust yourself.
    • Listening to your mind, body and heart gives you the necessary information.

    Sometimes, you need good information, but most of the time, you only need to know yourself—an intimate knowledge of how you work free from assumptions, judgments, and someone else’s rules. So, instead, be curious, experiment, and then observe what happens. Do more of what works. That’s the bottom line.

    What if you have the resources to know what you need right at your fingertips?

    What will it take for you to listen to yourself and get started?

    Get started.

    Start making the changes you want to see happen in your life today. It’s all you’ve got in the end.

    Do what you must to be healthier, happier and more connected to what you most want today.

    It’s not really about the food or what you weigh, how you look, how many lines are on your face, or how much cellulite you have or don’t. How much is in your bank account or how much staff do you have working for you? These aren’t markers of your value as a human being.

    The stuff above doesn’t elevate your value and valuing them keeps you locked in a battle you will never win. And yet, often, some people have more than you, and comparing yourself to them, even when you try not to, is difficult.

    Step into the fullness of your life.

    In the end, your life is not about the mashed potatoes.

  • The Truth About Clarity and Motivation

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    blog title graphic with a coral color modern flower on a beige background that says, the truth about clarity and motivation powerfulcalm.com

    I wish clarity and motivation were good friends, but they’re usually more like casual acquaintances. When we lived in Texas, we always looked forward to seeing another couple at our mutual friend’s house. It was only a few times a year for the annual holiday party, summer cookout, and sometimes Thanksgiving. We always said that we would get together, but we never followed through and made plans. It was that extra hurdle of commitment to a plan that didn’t happen and it became a friendly joke.

    Many women believe they’ll be motivated to take action when they understand why they do what they do.

    It makes sense and works in many situations, like school, work, or baking. You watch a video to learn how to fold in the dry ingredients and why it’s essential for the recipe instead of wondering what to do or why. Now that you have the information, you can mix the cake more confidently, and it’s much easier to start and get the cake in the oven.

    Unfortunately, with human behavior, clarity rarely leads to motivation for meaningful change. The irony is that when you mix in emotion, associations to past events, habits, and the busyness of life, what could be clear becomes opaque very quickly.

    Clarity

    Clarity requires deeper awareness of your experiences, interpretations, and your ability to take thoughtful action. Blending understanding and knowledge are the main ingredients of clarity.

    Understanding

    Understanding ourselves takes a bit of time. Reflection, education and experience are the necessary ingredients for understanding. I think of knowledge as located in the gut, and it’s more on the emotional, felt level of experience.

    Knowledge

    Knowledge comes from our experiences, training, information gained from others, or experimentation. Knowledge is what we think of as being in our heads. It is the logical or even observable part of our experiences.

    Action doesn’t come from understanding or knowledge. There is a way of understanding the world around you and making sense of it with your own experience. The role both play in life is extremely important. Understanding and knowledge are the foundation of how you perceive yourself and make sense of your life.

    They help you to contrast where you are and where you want to be, which generates clarity. But that’s not what gets you moving.

    Motivation

    Motivation is the energy to take action on what you desire. You’re either moving toward something or avoiding an outcome you don’t want to experience.

    Emotion, personal history and habits are all parts of what motivates people. And the good news is that you can change your habits and establish new ways of being with yourself.

    For many, the desire to stop negative thoughts and feelings gets them moving. It’s that old saying, “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.”

    The best way to start generating motivation is to do something that feels better than the negativity you experience when you don’t take action. Doing this at least thrice a week makes you more likely to make it a habit. Motivation is more straightforward when you do things that feel better often enough to become a habit supporting your well-being.

    Building Momentum

    Momentum builds and becomes associated with a positive experience of feeling better the more you take action. It feels better to move toward something you want instead of avoiding an experience you don’t want.

    Waiting for clarity before you take action can lead to stagnation and feeling stuck.

    Everybody gets stuck at some point in life. Things happen, circumstances change and work and life are busy. Often, it’s a matter of just keeping up with the everyday living tasks. Getting the groceries, getting to work, getting the kids to do their homework, etc. During times like this, clarity helps.

    Thoughtful Action

    Take time to thoughtfully and mindfully think about what your experience tells you and what you need. This helps you decide on your direction. It’s the most essential part of the recipe. The cake needs flour of some kind to be cake-like, or it’s something else, maybe delicious, but not a cake.

    Knowing what you want and moving in the direction you need to be is thoughtful action. If you don’t,  motivation will be a brutal fight. It will often be busy but directionless, and eventually, it will be a burden. When this happens, people often say, “My motivation is zapped!” It’s misplaced energy and needs to be replenished with clear, intentional direction.

    The irony is that movement – acting – helps you become clear.

    It’s a risk.

    There’s a likelihood that you’ll make mistakes.

    You’ll probably fail – at first – until you learn more about what you need to do.

    It’s all okay and part of understanding what you need.

    Many of my clients think that being motivated requires inspiration as the catalyst. They will experience a positive energy boost that propels them to take action. I wish that were the case a lot more often, but it’s not.

    I’ve found that by moving toward what you truly want, with understanding and knowledge, you’ll make decisions that lead you to what you need and want in your life.

    Conclusion

    It’s challenging to get started and take the risk of stepping into the life you desire but don’t know yet.

    As you gather more experience of moving toward and receiving what you desire, your experience of motivation changes from negative associations to positive ones.

    Taking action is the fuel for clarity and motivation. It helps you to understand what is essential and needed in your life.

  • 3 Foolproof Ways to Breakout of Decision Fatigue

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    Recently I had lunch with a friend at a new sandwich place and it was just the type of place I love and the sort of place where decision fatigue sets in.

    They offered familiar sandwiches and salads with just a bit of a twist that made them enjoyable. It was busy and there was a wide variety of choices. We had to let several regulars order before us because neither could quickly decide.

    We finally got our lunch after about a 30-minute wait. There were so many phone orders ahead of us in addition to the full tables. The conversation turned to both the delicious sandwiches and our decision fatigue.

    We were both amid last-minute getaway plans, not so much an adventurous vacation given we would be doing the same thing, but in a different location – just the realities of pandemic life!

    And that led to us talking about all the other daily decisions we make. From what to wear, when to go to the grocery store or place a delivery order, to what’s the topic for the next blog, to giving permission or not for the kid’s sleep-over, to considering charitable giving before the end of the year and on and on. There were a bunch more we identified in about 3 minutes.

    We both were at the point of emotional exhaustion listing them, let alone living it.

    Decision Fatigue

    Decision Fatigue happens when we make too many decisions in one day – or even in one hour – and we feel mentally drained by the process. Sometimes, it can make prioritizing tasks, thinking through problems, remembering details and controlling impulses more difficult since the volume of choices strains the brain.

    More often than men, women find themselves in the position of making decisions for their own needs and those for their families, businesses, and other community commitments such as getting together with friends and family, volunteering, church, major household purchases, etc.

    It’s not that women find it harder to make decisions, but women make more decisions. In addition, our choices usually immediately impact our lives and those around us. Those two factors, volume and speed, are significant contributors to decision fatigue.

    Here are three foolproof ways to ease the burden of decision-making to break out of decision fatigue.

    1. Prioritize Tasks

    One of the best ways to relieve decision fatigue is by listing the tasks that need to be completed – both big and small – and then deciding which of them – big or small – must be done first.

    Here’s an example:

    I often make a “master list” of things to do. This could be a DIY home project or even a fun activity like holiday decorating.

    I remind myself that the list will be extensive, but it’s okay since I’ll break it down.

    The next step is to break the “master list” into bite-size chunks that I complete in less time.

    The details aren’t in my head when I get things down on paper or in a document. I’ve done the “brain dump” task and can look at it more objectively from an action-taking standpoint. This includes the logical steps to completion and what I can realistically accomplish in the time I have.

    The last part about realistically accomplishing is significant since it’s both a practical and self-compassion practice. Biting off more than you can chew often leads to feeling overwhelmed, leading to decision fatigue, so take smaller bits, and you’ll be more comfortable and make progress, too.

    2. Consider What’s Needed

    Another great way to relieve decision fatigue is to think about what’s needed.

    When decisions are many, there’s a tendency to speed up the process and that’s the fast track to decision fatigue. The faster you make decisions the faster your tension will be relieved, at least that’s the hope. However, this perspective only considers short-term stress. I’m guessing what you want is longer-term relief, too.

    Here are three questions that can help you take a moment to make a better decision:

    1. Is this an immediate need?
    2. Is it “nice to do” or “needs to be done” right now?
    3. Do I need or want help with this decision?

    These three simple questions can help you increase your awareness of your and the situation’s needs and ultimately lead to more thoughtful decision-making.

    3. Reacting vs. Responding

    So much of the time, we react without thinking, and this is a significant contributor to decision fatigue. Step 1 – prioritizing and Step 2 – focusing on needs both help to slow down that process so you can mindfully choose how you want to respond to what’s being asked of you. This shifts the dynamic.

    You get out of the rapid-fire decision-making and into a comfortable way of being. When you know what you need (your family, too), there aren’t as many decisions as possible to make.

    You don’t need to consider choices because you already know the answer before the question is asked. This is a significant shift from reacting to thoughtfully responding and that’s what being in alignment is all about.

    Conclusion

    When you move out of what Jon Kabat-Zinn calls human doing and into a human being, it’s a place where day-to-day decisions no longer seem stressful. You have a reservoir of calm and well-being you can draw on when your stress level rises and you start to feel the emotional exhaustion of decision fatigue. Your confidence increases as you know what’s in your best interests and respond positively.

  • How To Create A Reservoir Of Inner Calm

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    blog title graphic with an orange modern flower on a beige background that says 5 steps to create a reservoir of inner calm, powerfulcalm.com

    This article gives you five strategies to create a reservoir of inner calm, which you can draw from when stressful situations arise.

    Since we can’t control when stress spikes, we can plan what to do when it does, so when your patience is in short supply, you know just what to do.

    How many situations that test your level of patience in a day? If you are like most people, you have likely lost count, but this article will teach you how to ride out the calm in the eye of the storm.

    The secret to staying calm when you are in a state of stress is to hold your immediate reaction, even if it’s for a brief moment to regroup. The secret here is to rehearse. Your brain will do what it can to protect you by fleeing, fighting, or freezing as if the threat is mortal. But that’s not what we’re talking about right now.

    Everyday stress like traffic, work deadlines, your child can’t find the charger to his Chromebook and you needed to leave for school – ten minutes ago – we all have countless examples! Times of everyday stress are when you can safely hold your immediate reaction so you can thoughtfully choose your response.

    Reservoir of inner calm

    All you need to do is build a calm reservoir and use it as needed. It doesn’t need to be filled before you start. It would never happen if that were the case because the everyday stressors do not stop for anyone.

    There isn’t a finite supply of inner calm. You’ll keep adding to your reserves as you grow in your ability to create space between you and the effects of stress.

    Here are five ways you can increase your reservoir of inner calm.

    1. Increase your emotional mastery

    Emotional mastery is the ability to identify what you’re feeling, what happens when you feel it and then take action so the emotion moves through you instead of getting stuck.

    The practice of emotional mastery is what builds resilience. It’s your guide for what you need to feel better. It takes the work of thinking about it and strategizing your plan. You already know what helps you and can do it immediately. The byproduct is inner calm.

    2. Begin a daily mindful practice

    Being present with the world around you is grounding. It is easy to get caught up in the day-to-day activities of life and lose yourself. For many of my clients, this prevents them from moving forward and reaching their goals.

    When feeling alone and out of control, you must take time out of your day to meditate, be quiet and disconnect from “doing.” Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), has often said that we are more like human beings than human beings.

    A daily mindfulness practice can be as individual as you are. It might be sitting quietly for five minutes, an hour, or something in between. Or it might be walking and practicing your awareness of the birds, the sunlight on the tree leaves, or the breeze on your cheek. It could also be doing something where you lose yourself, like in creative practice – drawing, painting, quilting, knitting, etc. The point is to disconnect from information coming into your being and connect with your internal sense of yourself.

    3. Challenge negative thinking

    Everyone has negative thoughts that creep into their head throughout the day, but how you deal with them matters. When you feel yourself moving down the road of negativity, it is time to step back and identify the emotion that sparked those thoughts.

    By challenging negative thinking, you will begin to use the thoughts to help you shift your perspective. You can regain your inner calm and peace even if you’ve felt this way for a long time.

    4. Limit negative influences

    “You are a product of your environment” is a common saying for a reason! Surrounding yourself with people and environments that encourage growth and positive thinking is essential.

    When you cut out the negative influences from your life, you will feel a sense of freedom and weight lifted. Eliminating those who drag you down can open new avenues for personal growth.

    One crucial aspect is ensuring that your environment is as calming as possible. A home is a place of respite, but not always. Clearing your space (home, car, purse, office, garage, etc.) of clutter is very important. A fancy car is nice, but a clean car you feel good in is excellent. It’s the same idea with your house; it’s lovely if you have the resources to live in a picture-perfect space, but most of us don’t. Living in a house free from clutter and disorganization helps keep your inner calm reservoir full!

    5. Remove yourself from the situation

    Getting caught up in stressful situations that seem impossible to escape can be easy. Not getting caught up means establishing a boundary between yourself and the situation.

    It can be frustrating when you are removed from a situation you are trying to change. But sometimes, taking a break or realizing that you’ve done all you can and may need to make a different choice is more beneficial.

    Conclusion

    This article aims to provide five helpful strategies to fill your reservoir of inner calm. You can experience less stress and more time and energy for your desired things! Isn’t that a big part of clearing stress to live a mindful and fulfilling life?