Stress Eating

  • The Truth About Stress Eating: Imperfection is Part of the Journey

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    There are only five things you need to do to stop stress eating.

    It might sound too easy, but the five steps take time and patience – there are no shortcuts and perfectionism only slows your progress. If you can commit to the belief that life can be less stressful and even harmonious, you can learn the five steps and stop stress eating.

    The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.

    Mother Teresa

    When you get so tired of doing the same thing repeatedly that you can’t do it one more time, you’re in the perfect place to change the situation.

    You know stress eating is more than calming anxiety. There’s something more – you need to live your life with peace, fulfillment and health.

    If you take the steps below, you’ll be on your way to becoming a conscious eater. The time and energy you spend planning, eating, worrying about what you ate and regretting you gave into the habit again doesn’t happen, and that’s one of the best freedoms of all.

    Paying attention to your body’s needs becomes a pathway for a better relationship with yourself. You learn more about your real needs and experiment with how best to meet them.

    You get to know your limitations and the possibilities for caring for yourself in a way you feel good about. Most of all, you learn what you need to take better care of yourself.

    When you take the steps below, you’ll be on your way to stop eating stress. 

    1. Eat when you’re hungry

    Courage is a kind of salvation. 

    Plato

    This sounds like an oversimplification, but how often do you deny yourself food?

    It could be that you ignore your hunger, don’t allow yourself to eat certain foods, or both.

    If your body needs energy, there is just no replacing food. You can distract yourself and delay eating for so long before hangry sets in.

    Your hunger signals may go quiet for a while, but you can be sure they will return, and you won’t be able to ignore them!

    Eat a balanced meal. It’s great if you’re craving a balanced meal or snack since you’re simultaneously taking care of both needs!

    Which leads to…

    Enjoy your food.

    Choose what you eat wisely to get the physical nourishment your body needs and the satisfaction your mind and heart need. Take care of your whole person. Without enjoyment, there won’t be satisfaction, leading to stress eating later.

    Sometimes, you will eat purely for fuel. We all lead busy lives and sometimes food is merely a means to an end — putting more fuel in the engine so you can keep going.
    Food is also an essential way people experience pleasure. If what you eat isn’t pleasurable on some level, most of the time, you will be left wanting unsatisfied.

    At least once a day, eat for fuel as well as for the experience of pleasure.

    2. Be present

    The point of power is always in the present moment.

    Louise L. Hay

    Do just one thing while eating.

    When you’re driving, watching a show, working on the computer, playing a game on your phone, reading, etc., you’re unable to be aware of what you’re eating, if you enjoy it, if you’re hungry for food when you’ve had enough – there are a lot of decisions!

    Distraction is one way of disconnecting from stress eating and the feelings of guilt or shame about what you’re eating, how you’re eating it and how you feel about your body and yourself.

    Distracted eating is a statement about your relationship with yourself. You can fully commit to self-compassion, honoring your needs and desire for nourishment – this is when you stop eating stress.

    Mindful eating is one tool you can use to pay attention to the taste, texture, aroma, colors, etc., of the food you’re currently eating.

    When you eat mindfully, you can assess your relationship with food and how you respect your body.

    3. Identify your feelings

    The best way out is always through.

    Robert Frost

    Calm anxiety before eating, rather than eating to calm anxiety. Easier said than done, right?

    This can be tricky since hunger makes anxiety worse. Anxiety can also be one of the early signs of hunger. It gets complicated very quickly!

    Our ancestors needed to be on the lookout for food; they might have been a little edgy about it, so when it was available, they would find it and eat it. Although food is abundant, this early survival mechanism kicks in when hunger is ignored, and you may become a little edgy, too.

    Help yourself to slow down. Do your best anxiety-reducing techniques, a few deep breaths, a little calming yoga, a short mindfulness meditation for 2–5 minutes, and then eat a balanced meal or snack. The food will wait.

    Anxiety or worry is one of the most frequent feelings that leads to stress eating. Eating is something to do; it takes your mind off of the issue and depending on the food, your brain will be stimulated to release calming brain chemicals.

    The way through this is to identify the feeling, pinpoint its cause as best you can and take one simple step toward your future free from stress eating.

    Sometimes this means making an action plan and other times it means reassuring yourself and creating a peaceful environment when you’ve done all you can.

    Increase your awareness of the feelings you experience most often. Emotional awareness is your guide to stopping eating stress and preventing it from happening.

    Knowing what’s going on inside gives you options for better self-care.

    Stress eating is no longer a distraction from what’s bothering you, you know and you have a choice in managing yourself.

    4. Leave morality out of your food choices

    Having a healthy relationship with food means you are not morally superior or inferior based on your eating choices.

    Evelyn Tribole

    Food is not sinful! How many foods are described as sinfully delicious?

    How often have you heard, usually at dessert time, “We’re being so bad tonight?”

    What if we accepted that our bodies enjoy pleasurable experiences like eating good food?

    Acceptance in the total sense means honoring your desire for pleasurable experiences with food, non-judgmentally.

    When you accept that you’re an eater who enjoys eating, you’ll also accept that you sometimes need fuel. You can accept when fuel is primary and enjoyment second since you can trust that there are times when you’ll eat purely for pleasure, too.

    Eating for fuel only.

    You have a big meeting at two o’clock and it’s essential to have a balanced lunch at noon, so you’re fueled, thinking clearly and on your game. Your priority is reviewing your notes and getting fuel. That’s okay some of the time.

    I was eating just for pleasure.

    Think about birthday cake or special foods you only have at holiday celebrations. These foods and the ritual of eating them symbolize the importance of the moment, your family traditions and culture.

    Foods have different nutritional values, not different moral values. Eat well and enjoy.

    5. Seek connection instead of stress eating

    Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow. It’s a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them — we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

    Brene Brown

    Stress eating can motivate reconnecting with someone, a memory, thought, or feeling.

    If you’re craving a specific food, ask yourself, is it the memory or person you want to connect with? 

    Is the food a way to make it happen, or would you get your needs met by a conversation, planning a visit, or making dinner plans with a friend or family member?

    Stress eating is the pathway to the relationship you want to experience. The problem is that stress eating can’t help you connect how you want or need to communicate with others or yourself.

    Increasing your awareness of stress eating and the feelings that led you there is the way to move toward what you need. Awareness can help you refocus from the food obsession to the relationship and you can get your needs met.

    These five actions will move you further down the road to what you want so you can stop stress eating more than any diet ever could. You have the answers you need right inside you. I hope that the tools above will help you discover them!

  • How to Stop Weighing Yourself and Feel Good Anyway

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    Weighing yourself is one of the worst ways to feel good about yourself or get a handle on stress eating.

    If you ever stress eating, weighing yourself usually leads to negative thoughts or opinions that prevent you from feeling good about your body, boundaries, and confidence.

    This is your body, your greatest gift, pregnant with wisdom you do not hear, grief you thought was forgotten, and joy you have never known.

    Marion Woodman

    The facts about daily weighing yourself and stress eating.

    A study in 2015 tracked participants over ten years and showed that self-weighing is associated with increased weight concerns and depression. The study also showed decreased body satisfaction and self-esteem over those ten years, especially for the women in the study.

    If you stress eat, weighing yourself can be one of the most effective ways to feel bad about yourself.

    Daily weighing can lead to increased stress eating rather than decreasing it.

    Ironically a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ scale number can both trigger overeating—whether it’s a congratulatory eating party or a consolation party.

    Evelyn Tribole

    Many people find the external verification of daily weight helpful in some respects. Some research has shown that it can be beneficial. Daily weighing with email support was helpful in weight loss in this study. Another study by the same group in 2014 showed no ill psychological effects of daily weighing.

    Now, don’t get me wrong, I love data. I like to see the data for many things, especially when making decisions. It helps me to understand if the assumptions about a particular thing are accurate.

    Regarding health behaviors, it helps to determine if what people say they do matches what they do. This gives me a better idea of how to be helpful to my clients.

    But, when the data is “bad” – it’s not accurate or misleading, it doesn’t help with anything. This type of information can have dire consequences. One piece of “bad” data is the importance we give to the number on the scale. It only gives you information about mass. It can’t provide information on the health of your body systems like heart rate, blood pressure, blood sugar, bone density, etc.

    And yet, so many thoughts and feelings are assumed, usually negatively, from this one piece of data you have in your control – weighing yourself.

    If you stress eat, the scale is not your friend!

    There’s no real reason to weigh yourself at home. It can’t tell you anything about the nutrient density of the food you eat and the effects of what you eat on your body. And it certainly doesn’t tell you anything positive about your relationship with your body, especially – instead, it usually creates more stress!

    Yet, these are all things that you might unconsciously hope that it would do.

    If the scale is down, you feel great about yourself. But when it’s up, especially if it’s a significant number, your mood plummets, your motivation for self-care fades, and self-compassion is nowhere in sight.

    If you break the habit of weighing yourself, you can become more engaged in a relationship with your body where you work together rather than rule over your body.

    You will have the opportunity to get to know yourself in different ways, like…

    • What kind of movement energizes you?
    • What kind of movement do you enjoy?
    • What type of food gives you the energy you need?
    • What type of food feels good in your body?
    • What type of attitude or thought process moves you toward your goals?
    • What type of conversations do you find fulfilling?

    The list goes on and on. Mainly, when you are aware of your internal needs, hopes and desires, you can actually get what you want in life. And this has nothing to do with weighing yourself!

    People always ask me, ‘You have so much confidence. Where did that come from?’ It came from me. One day I decided that I was beautiful, and so I carried out my life as if I was a beautiful girl … It doesn’t have anything to do with how the world perceives you. What matters is what you see. Your body is your temple, it’s your home, and you must decorate it.

    Gabourey Sidibe

    Move away from external validation and toward internal validation.

    If you want a better relationship with yourself, you must shift from external validation – waiting for other’s approval to feel good. Instead, internal validation is trusting yourself to do what you need for your well-being and acknowledging the benefits you receive. This is the way out of stress eating, negative body image and low self-esteem.

    How is feedback different from external validation?

    External information is helpful in some situations. Say, when your boss gives you feedback on a presentation. You need to know what worked and what didn’t, if you said too many “um’s,” if you covered all the required material, etc.

    Getting feedback from a loved one or good friend about the outfit you plan to wear for the presentation is also helpful. Does it fit the tone of the presentation, the audience, the lighting/stage, etc? It’s beneficial to double-check when you value the perspective of the other about a specific situation.

    The stereotypical question, “Do I look fat in this?” is usually about more than appearance. Do you accept me regardless of any judgments I might have about my size, or are you judging me, too?

    Since the question usually isn’t about appearance, if talked about how you feel, would it be more helpful to you?

    • I’m nervous about meeting new people at the party.
    • I’m not comfortable in this outfit.
    • I don’t want to give this presentation.
    • I need reassurance/encouragement that it will be okay.

    Becoming more connected with what you’re feeling and experiencing helps you live more authentically and guides you in the direction you want your life to go.

    3 Questions to ask yourself before getting on the scale.

    What do you want to receive from the scale?

    If you need the data from the scale for medication or some other medical reason, then can you let go of weighing yourself at home and only at your doctor’s office?

    Can you relieve yourself from this stress?

    What do you think the scale will tell you if there isn’t a medical reason to weigh yourself outside the doctor’s office?

    That you’re:

    • healthy
    • a good person
    • attractive
    • in control
    • out of control

    Maybe you have other ways to assess how you’re doing. One of them is to pay closer attention to how you feel in your body. If you start or regularly engage in physical activity, can you use increased skill level, speed, distance/duration and feeling more fit/comfortable for feedback instead of weighing yourself?

    Maybe this shift in mindset allows you to have a positive conversation with yourself. Part of getting out of stress eating is bringing your emotions more fully into your awareness so you can use them to support yourself. This is something that you can’t get from weighing yourself.

    When you have a clear picture of your life, feeling bad about yourself is challenging. There’s a point where it takes more effort to feel destructive than good. When many of my clients try it, the effort becomes so ludicrous that they realize what’s happening, smile, and remind themselves that they don’t need that anymore! They’re further down the road of growth than they knew.

    Why do you own a scale?

    Most people say they need it “to check my weight.” But, if you gained or lost weight, would you know by the way your clothes fit? Remember, the scale can only measure mass and nothing else.

    Is there something more meaningful to you? Could you receive validation from work – a job well done, volunteering – giving back to the community, faith – connection with your values, friendship – being present, etc? Do these areas give you a better sense of who you are as a human being?

    Are there other ways to “measure” or assess if you’re getting what you need?

    Data and weighing yourself cannot quantify your needs – that’s all it is!

    It’s pretty impossible to say, “I only need 20 percent of love today” or “Right now, I need 100 percent compassion.” By living an intentional life and developing your well-being skills, you’ll find that, after a difficult day, self-compassion gives you so much more comfort than getting on the scale or stress eating does.

    Self-compassion helps you to understand where you are, what you need and the confidence to move forward.

    My second to the last question – how much does the scale pull you out of living an intentional life and drop you back into a disconnected relationship with yourself where stress eating is the norm? It’s a big question.

    What I know is that a healthy relationship with yourself and those in your life can be a nest of love, and in the end, isn’t that one of the things you truly want?

  • How to Have a Better Relationship with Food

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    A better relationship with food comes from setting kind food limits.

    So, what is a kind food limit? It is a limit that supports you, opens up growth opportunities you want, and ultimately leads to greater well-being.

    A kind food limit considers what you desire for taste and pleasure and what your body needs to work well and feel good.

    It also accounts for how you feel when you eat a particular food (physically, mentally, and emotionally). It also helps you check your energy needs now and soon so you have the fuel you need.

    The big picture of kind food limits is that they help you make food choices that you feel good about, so you can stop eating for good.

    That’s to say, you feel good in a well-rounded sense. You feel satisfied, so you can focus on what’s happening in your life rather than thinking about food. Satisfaction is essential because if you don’t enjoy what you’re eating, you’ll feel like something is missing. And that’s the perfect setup for mindless stress eating that leaves you unsatisfied and disappointed.

    Kind food limits are primarily positive, moving you toward something you need or desire.

    Some examples are:

    • Planning a meal at a favorite restaurant
    • Enjoying a meal with a friend
    • Looking forward to your favorite comfort meal or dessert

    It could also be a little less glamorous and commit to a meal simply because you know your body needs it to feel better.

    You also need the nutrition to fuel your body, considering what you’ve got going on for the rest of the day. You might drink a glass of milk with lunch rather than soda because that’s what you need today. Tomorrow, you may have different needs.

    When you come home from vacation or after the holidays, you might need to eat more of the food you missed in the previous days or weeks. Or you might need to reset food limits, especially after enjoying traditional feasting foods around holidays. Eating isn’t perfect and there isn’t a need for judgement either. Life happens in cycles and kind food limits support you regardless of the cycle you’re in at the moment.

    Eating more traditional desserts around holidays is part of how I connect with my culture. I eat those conventional foods in a concentrated way because they are time-consuming to make, are part of meals with family and friends, and are a connection with my ancestors.

    If I lived in Italy, I would have a different experience. I know I would enjoy those foods more frequently, but less of them, with a great cup of coffee and engaging conversation sitting outside in the sunshine. But right now, I’m in the States and it’s a very different vibe!

    If you’re like most of us and busy during work hours, it’s often a grab-what-is-available situation – it’s easy to quiet your hunger, but ultimately, most of the time, it’s not what you want to eat. Sometimes, this is just how it goes, but when every day is a grab-and-go type, it can become nearly impossible to set kind food limits.

    Well-balanced meals – most of the time – support you in a variety of different ways.

    After eating a well-balanced meal, you’ll probably feel:

    • emotionally more aware
    • focused on your task
    • thinking more clearly
    • resting more deeply
    • managing feelings more accurately and peacefully

    Kind food limits also help you stop mindless eating and stress eating sooner than expected.

    Reaching for the candy bowl on your coworker’s desk, just because it’s there, can become a habit. You might even find that you walk by the coworker’s desk when you want a piece of candy!

    The feel-good part of your brain excitedly lights up at the thought of candy, and then the sight of it can start the cascade of relief before you’ve even taken a bite.

    But eating candy right before you have a big chunk of work to get done and a deadline to meet isn’t always a good idea.

    Give yourself a moment to consider the desired outcome and decide based on what you want.

    Making a choice now means saying, “Not right now.” It doesn’t mean banishing candy; candy is made for pure enjoyment. Eating for enjoyment is part of normal eating. Kind food limits are about kindness and care – of yourself and your long-term well-being.

    Setting kind food limits is a very achievable goal! A kind food limit helps you be more aware of your needs. What your brain needs for fulfillment, your mind needs for satisfaction and your body needs for energy.

    Here are three practical steps you can take to set kind food limits:

    1. Identify what you’re hungry for and if you’re even hungry.

    Slow down rather than reaching for what’s immediately available. Getting what you want and need may take some planning and time. You’re worth the wait!

    2. Notice food rules like, “If I have this pie, I’ll need to work out x number of hours!”

    Listening to yourself requires that you become quiet and still for a moment as you learn about your needs and make decisions based on kind food limits.

    3. Eat until you’re satisfied.

    Eating to satisfaction usually happens when you eat a well-balanced meal with protein, carbs and fat. Use your body as your guide and trust the feedback you receive for what works for you. When you thrive, it’s easier on your system, and your body feels better.

    Being quiet so you can hear your body’s feedback is the pathway to developing kind food limits.

    Get to know what supports your well-being and what you like – it’s a winning combination that benefits you for years to come!

  • 5 Reasons Why Eating in Moderation is So Complicated

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    You’ve probably heard that eating in moderation is easy, and if you do, you can eat anything you want!

    For someone who doesn’t stress or emotionally eat, it’s an easy thing to say. But, if you’re trapped in the cycle of stress eating or emotional eating, dieting and back to emotional eating again, eating in moderation requires a few new skills.

    Eating in moderation is an excellent foundation for getting various foods.

    Feeling good about what you eat, getting enough energy and just plain freedom from the dieting too.

    To get to the place where you can listen and get what you need, clear your path of distractions is essential.

    Here are five things that hold you back from eating in moderation and what you can do about it.

    1. Focusing too much on the details.

    When you spend time focusing on the nutrition facts, the healthiest way to eat, the best plan for you, or any other details, you can lose sight of the big picture. I’m not saying the details aren’t important or that gaining knowledge isn’t helpful, it’s when it takes up more time than is needs to take up. You’ll know it’s too much when it seems to take on more importance than your experience of nurturing yourself.

    Focusing on the details too much also silences your ability to listen to the feedback your mind and body give you about what you need. When you aren’t listening to your body, it can lead to overeating. When disconnected from yourself, it’s tough to hear the subtle cues about what you need.

    Eat in Moderation Solution:

    Focus on covering the basics nutritionally while you loosen up the food rules. Slowly changing over time is usually more sustainable than one big overhaul.

    If you have health issues that require you to pay attention to carbs, fat, or sodium in your meals, take good care of your health and pay attention. You can identify where and when you shift from awareness and self-care to worry and obsession.

    The change might be about how you think, like shifting from food rules to long-term health and well-being guidelines.

    Shift your mindset to think about rules as guidelines for nurturing your body. As you shift into this way of thinking, you will naturally have less stress about food. In the beginning, like any new habit, it might feel strange.

    Sometimes, people feel like they will be out of control and overeat, not knowing when to stop. Eating in moderation is next to impossible if you experience this fear. But taking it step by step will help you transition out of worry and into the driver’s seat.

    The guidelines for good nutrition are there to support your decision-making from the inside out. Take in the info thoughtfully and consider how to apply it to your lifestyle and nutritional needs while considering any medical requirements.

    If you can relieve yourself of the stress about the food rules, you may be able to eat more moderately and consciously.

    2. You’re stuck in the diet mentality.

    The diet mentality is when you follow a diet plan that promises to solve your weight, body image, or food problems in a distinct, often quick and nearly painless way. Eating in moderation isn’t on the menu. The underlying premise is that you’ll be happy if you only follow a particular set of food rules.

    What lures most people in is the certainty and simplicity:

    • There are foods on the “Okay to eat list” and others on the “don’t touch” list.
    • Restrict yourself to a certain number of calories daily, which will be your result.
    • Strict boundaries – eat at this time, this amount of this food.

    These plans are so popular because it’s enticing to get directions that direct you to take specific action – no thinking required.

    The common belief is that your body will not cooperate with you. So, you find yourself trying to manipulate the food in some way. This type of relationship is usually based on the belief that you cannot trust your body to give you good information on what you need.

    But you can develop a trusting relationship with yourself and make food decisions that meet your nutritional needs. You can also meet your needs for enjoyment and pleasure so you feel satisfied with a meal.

    Eat in Moderation Solution:

    This situation calls for a mindset shift from viewing your body as separate from yourself as if it’s a thing that you can easily shape and form at your will.

    The mindset that gets you out of the diet mentality is to develop a relationship with your body, treating it with kindness, compassion and respect.

    It isn’t easy to overeat when you are kind and respectful to yourself. As you leave the diet mentality and eat in a way that respects your hunger and fullness, your awareness increases and your body naturally communicates with you. Moderate eating is possible because you listen when your body tells you it’s had enough. Kindness and respect give you the ability to stop eating peacefully.

    3. Doing more than one thing while eating.

    If you’re like most people, you probably eat while multitasking at least a few times a week.

    You have a big deadline and need to grab lunch quickly while sitting in front of the computer.

    It’s easy to get to the bottom of the bag before you realize you’ve eaten all the chips while watching your favorite show.

    When you’re distracted, paying attention to what you’re eating takes second place.

    It’s hard to know when you’ve had enough food to satisfy your physical hunger and the need for satisfaction when you’re distracted. The feeling that the meal is complete and you’ve had enough isn’t vital when doing something else. The warning to stop only comes when you can’t ignore the uncomfortable fullness.

    Eat in Moderation Solution:

    Doing one thing at a time can save you time. If you turn on the TV or switch to your favorite app or email while eating, it’s easy to get drawn into whatever you’re watching. The minutes pass by, just a bit more and before you know it, an extra 15, 30, 45, or 60 minutes have passed, and you’re still unconsciously eating.

    Doing one thing can also help you to eat more slowly, identify fullness and satiety sooner and possibly eat less.

    Doing one thing helps you perceive the cue that you’re full sooner than feeling uncomfortably full because you’re paying attention to yourself.

    4. Viewing what you eat as a moral issue.

    You will get stuck when you put food in the category of good vs. evil and assign a moral value to it.

    Foods have different nutritional values, of course.

    I like to use the analogy of a serving of broccoli vs. a candy bar. Yes, they are very different from a nutritional perspective, but morally? You’re not a “bad” person if you eat candy, nor are you a good person if you eat broccoli.

    Your body will have different responses and you may feel differently eating one vs. the other, but you have not gained or lost your “I’m a good person” status.

    It’s just food and both have a legitimate role in nurturing yourself.

    Eating in Moderation Solution:

    Think about food from this perspective:

    • What do I want to eat (taste perspective)?
    • What type of nutrition do I need given my activities in the next 4 hours (fuel perspective)?
    • Which foods will meet my need to feel good (satiety)?

    When you ask yourself these questions, you are helping your body, mind, and self-esteem. You can make decisions based on the fullness of what’s important to you.

    5. Not permitting yourself to enjoy the food you eat.

    Follows from #4 above. Food is fuel and it’s a lot more, too.

    Food is one of the great pleasures in life. When you acknowledge that it’s okay to enjoy eating, you are closer to freedom from overeating and diet mentality-related guilt about eating what you like.

    When you do this, you honor your need for fuel and pleasure and are no longer left wanting more.

    You can eat what you need, feel satisfied and eat in moderation.

    Eat in Moderation Solution:

    Normal eating is many things.

    • Eating when you’re hungry.
    • Eating what you love.
    • Eating for energy.
    • Eating when you can because you know what the next few hours will bring and must prepare.

    Eating is also for pure pleasure.

    The only way to eat the foods you love without guilt and the risk of chronic overeating is to make them part of your life.

    • Here are some questions to help you decide if this is for you:
    • What would happen if you allowed yourself to experience food with pleasure?
    • Would you eat less?
    • Would you feel less guilt and thereby less need to compensate for them?
    • Would your daily nutrition meet all of your needs?

    In sum, my challenge to you is this – allowing yourself to practice eating in moderation. Changing your relationship with food isn’t as easy as the ease a new diet plan promises. I hope the eating in moderation solutions give you some ideas about how to do things differently. Changing any habit that no longer serves you leads to more health and well-being.

  • How to Stop Stress Eating and Bingeing in 5 Steps

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    Stress eating and bingeing is pretzel logic.

    When you eat well most of the time, but something stressful happens, and your mind immediately turns to eating, the twists and turns of rationalizing it are short-lived. When stress eating and bingeing take hold of you, the fallout is tinged with guilt, shame, and regret. The big question is, how do you get out of the cycle?

    The heart has its reasons, which reason does not know. We feel it in a thousand things.​

    Blaise Pascal

    Stress eating makes sense; it’s just not logical. Human emotions are connected to conscious and unconscious memories, thoughts and perceptions. You have an experience, and your thoughts shape how you describe it. The unconscious memories aren’t language-based but are emotional and give a “felt sense” or vibe about situations. Stress eating is often the fuel for calm at any cost that’s difficult to understand and put into words.

    There’s a clash between what’s conscious (food choices that enhance health) and unconscious emotional stress (stress eating regardless of what you know) that can feel like a compulsion or addiction you’re powerless over.

    Stress eating calms your brain in the short term. 

    For many people, when stressed, eating often turns into a binge. Which ten results in feeling even more out of control. And then there’s even more guilt and shame to stress out about than the original stress that let you stress eating.

    You might spiral from fries and a soda for lunch to cupcakes for an afternoon snack, a fancy coffee, or an energy drink mid-afternoon when the blood sugar crash hits hard and you’re getting sleepy.

    Since you’re already “off the wagon,” the day worsens when you stop by your favorite fast-food place on the way home. You’ve hit the point of no return and it’s just you and food tonight.

    Maybe tomorrow will be better.

    The food coma is approaching fast.

    When you add it all up, the guilt, shame, and disappointment in yourself can be overwhelming. The solution is – once again, to start a new diet to get back in control. This is the pretzel logic that leads right back to more stress eating!

    When guilt, shame, and disappointment lead to counting calories, cutting out food groups, resistance, and feeling good about yourself, it will never happen!

    Dieting doesn’t work that way.

    But does it help you to stop stress eating and bingeing?

    I would guess your answer is no; it just makes trying the same old solution worse without a different outcome.

    You probably find that your feelings for yourself aren’t generous or kind. Sadness and frustration make it challenging to see other options.

    For the people I work with, the feelings after stress eating can be more hurtful than eating the food.

    Stress eating is like putting a band-aid on your car after an accident.

    Even though an accident and care are needed, the band-aid will not fix the problem.

    Counting calories is a way to set boundaries for yourself; no matter how much this solution makes things worse, it’s essential to acknowledge the goal. Boundaries can be helpful and kind when they are thoughtful and lead to better outcomes.

    You want to feel more in control than the food controlling you.

    How much of your day is spent tracking and making decisions about what you can or can’t eat based on the data collected on your phone app?

    You can transform your relationship with food from external control (calorie counting/apps) to internal control (developing a trusting relationship with yourself and your body). Keep reading and I’ll teach you how!

    The battle needs to shift from fighting with food for control to working with your needs and taking good care of yourself.

    Battles are externally driven. The focus is on what you’re doing wrong and how you can wrestle control from the stress of eating and bingeing.

    Taking care of your needs is a fundamental shift in the metaphor. It’s the thing that got you into this situation in the first place. Focusing on food to meet your emotional needs leads to emotional eating.

    When you first stop dieting for control, it can seem like you’ll stop paying attention to your health, or you’ll thoughtlessly eat whatever, whenever, however.

    But that’s not the way a healthy relationship with yourself works. A respectful relationship does not allow hurtful, destructive situations to continue in the name of love. That’s the opposite of health.

    Loving limits develop from your awareness of what you need and support you in mind, body, and heart.

    Transforming your relationship with yourself and food is a permanent fix. It’s one of those situations where you get to a point where it’s impossible not to listen with self-compassion and clarity about your needs anymore. That’s when stress eating and bingeing isn’t a problem anymore.

    Here are five things to do instead of stress eating:

    1. Track your feelings.

    If you’re not ready to let go of tracking, write down what you’ve eaten and feeling instead of tracking calories. This will give you much more helpful information.

    It’s the beginning point of developing a supportive relationship. Knowing what you think about what you’ve eaten and how you feel physically and emotionally after your meal or snack will give you information you can use the next time you think a similar way.

    If you’re not ready to let go of tracking, write down what you’ve eaten and feeling instead of tracking calories. This will give you much more helpful information.

    It’s the beginning point of developing a supportive relationship. Knowing what you think about what you’ve eaten and how you feel physically and emotionally after your meal or snack will give you information you can use the next time you think a similar way.

    2. Stop making judgments.

    A judgmental attitude leads to black-and-white thinking.

    There’s a mini court of law in your head with a conviction and you’re the guilty party. Sentencing is quickly handed out. There is no appeals process.

    The judgment is you’re mistaken, or the food you enjoyed is terrible, and dieting is good. It’s that fundamental. But life is filled with nuance and transforming judgment into curiosity leads to possibilities.

    Curiosity gives you space to think about a situation from all sides, identify how you feel and determine what you need to do for yourself. It takes time and care and you’re more than worth the effort.

    3. Plan your meals instead of leaving it up to whatever!

    When you know what you will eat for each meal, you take the guesswork out of leaving your meals up to chance.

    When you know what you’re having for lunch or dinner, you will feel more in control because you are making choices for yourself – the ultimate control.

    Be sure to eat meals you enjoy and provide the nutrition your body needs to run well.

    I can’t stress this enough: planning meals without some measure of pleasure will lead you to avoid them. Make sure you look forward to your meal by giving yourself a pause in the day to enjoy yourself (even better if you eat with someone interesting).

    4. Make sure you get enough sleep.

    Your body will look for quick energy when you drag through the day because you’re tired.

    Your ability to make clear choices for yourself will be significantly diminished. You’ll find yourself making impulsive decisions you aren’t comfortable with in the long run.

    The urge to count calories and feel back in control may be even stronger, and the cycle starts all over again.

    Rest is essential to feeling good, having the mental and physical energy, and making choices to fuel your life.

    5. Decide what type of relationship you want to have with your body.

    It’s like learning to swim. Eventually, you let go of the wall and trust that you have learned how to tread water in the pool’s deep end.

    You’re a little unsure, so you stay within arm’s reach. As your confidence grows, you move further away from the wall. It gets more accessible, but it’s also tiring.

    You only have so much strength for one day. As you practice, you get stronger and more confident, and before you know it, you’re swimming like a mermaid! 

    This is the same thing that happens when breaking free from stress eating. It’s difficult to trust yourself; as you do, the trust in yourself will grow, and you will find yourself redefining your relationship with food, your body, and yourself.

    In sum, transforming your relationship with yourself is one of the most positive things you can do. You can learn to treat yourself with kindness and self-compassion while setting limits that are a natural extension of a conscious relationship with yourself.

  • 10 Mantras to Unlock Food Obsessions When You’re Really Stressed

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    Sometimes, we all get stuck listening to that little nagging voice that leads to stress eating. Mantras to unlock food obsessions help with the voice that says:

    • lure you into quick relief that stress eating brings
    • distract you from what you need
    • question your wise inner voice
    • doubt your self-knowledge
    • instill a lack of trust in yourself

    The thoughts above often happen when stress or emotional eating is the only go-to stress management option. So, many of my clients believe they need more willpower and discipline. This is the exact thing that causes the most stress!

    Willpower might help in the short term, but what’s stressing you out is that it’s not going away until you get to the heart of the matter and this is when mantras can help.

    What if you change the conversation, you have with yourself, would it help you take care of yourself in a more supportive way?

    Maybe it’s not willpower or forcing yourself to do something that you don’t want to do, but instead, it’s the power of choice that makes the difference. A mantra helps bring more self-compassion and accountability to create sustainable change.

    How to Stop Stress Eating Right Now

    If your goal is to transform how you deal with stress and stress eating, it’s great to have a positive, growth-oriented alternative to counteract your brain’s automatic response to calming stress with eating.

    What’s great about this approach is that when you take a different action, your brain-based habits change, and you create a new “normal.” Even though it takes time and focused attention, you can change your brain anytime. And it usually happens much more quickly than most people think it will.

    A simple mantra is one way to respond to your stressed-out brain that calms stress and gets you into a growth mindset. Mantras that unlock food obsessions can lead you away from stress eating so that you can make clear choices about your needs.

    Mantras are old-fashioned coping skills that’ve been around for so long because they work!

    It’s nearly impossible to separate thoughts, feelings, perceptions, potential future scenarios, etc. When stress eating or emotional eating enters the picture, the feelings are often mixed.

    Finding your way out of a negative thought is easier when you have something you can do with it. And when you transform negative thoughts, they lead you to conscious eating. Being present in the moment, calming your stressed brain with compassion, and gaining clarity to make choices that matter is what makes the difference.

    Using a mantra to help you shift your thoughts is one of the handiest, always-at-the-ready strategies to calm, soothe and refocus your brain where you want it to be.

    The best mantras are those you can easily remember, so you’ll come back to a mantra when you need one without wasting time figuring it out when you’re already stressed.

    Mantras that unlock food obsessions are concise and move you toward what you want.

    Stress eating will never satisfy an unmet need.

    Conscious eating is a dynamic, active process. Being a conscious eater means making choices in the present moment paying attention to your emotional state and your need for nourishment.

    As a more natural-conscious eater, you don’t need to think about willpower! You’ll need fewer and fewer reminders to pay attention and be aware of your motivations to eat. It’s like eating when you were young; it was a natural process. You ate when you were hungry most of the time and stopped when you were full and this happened even if you were eating for pleasure. It wasn’t filled with the ulterior motive to calm stress.

    And, even if your experience was different when you were young, you can always learn to be a conscious eater!

    You may find that your preferences change when you get a chance to slow down and figure out what you need.

    Many clients say they’ve been eating out of habit and not enjoying it.

    You may even find that you use a mantra you like best, which comes back to you naturally as an affirmation of your commitment to yourself and your health.

    Creating a supportive, nourishing relationship will naturally grow your skill set for good and challenging times.

    Why use mantras to unlock food obsessions?

    Conscious eating gives you an alternative to stress eating, emotional eating and dieting. A mantra is one tool to support you in building a kind and compassionate relationship with yourself.

    As you become less stressed, your need for stress eating diminishes. You’ll find that you take a stand for yourself. Most of all, you become the leader in your life and nurture yourself with compassion and accountability.

    Here are ten mantras that unlock food obsessions you can use as they are or as a starting point to create one of your own!

    1. May I achieve my goals with love, kindness, and peace?

    2. May my relationship with my body be grounded in compassion.

    3. I am conscious and compassionate with food, one meal at a time.

    4. May I experience nourishment in my life.

    5. I listen to my mind, body, and heart and receive what I need in my life.

    6. Change requires my time and attention; my reward is contentment.

    7. May I be patient with myself and experience self-compassion.

    8. I’m cultivating a peaceful relationship with my body.

    9. When I move my body, I experience life and grow my awareness.

    10. I nourish my mind, body and heart with a kind and loving heart.

    Changing any habit takes a bit of time and effort. The mind never stops thinking, so when you give it something to do, you control where it goes. Conscious, mindful effort changes your life and leads you to your desired fulfilling lifestyle.

    If you know someone who might benefit from this post, pass it along – share it through email or on social media!

  • How to Focus When You’re Spent and Overwhelmed

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    We all fall into habits we would rather not repeat, but when they leave you feeling spent and overwhelmed, they’re difficult to avoid.

    “Take control of your habits. Take control of your life.”  — Anonymous

    It’s easy – habits are the shortcuts of life.

    In my house, there’s a habit of pulling the clothes out of the dryer and onto the laundry room floor to grab the one thing that’s needed quickly.

    It’s been my responsibility since I started it!

    When I was recovering from cancer treatment and so incredibly tired with two young children, this is what happened most of the time. It was like I treated the space as one big chaotic closet.

    Overwhelming!

    And yet, the bright side was that at least we had clean clothes, if not a little wrinkled!

    Habits help you to know what to expect, even when it’s something you don’t want.

    We do this in all areas of our lives.

    Most of our relationships run on some form of habit. We create patterns that help us predict what’s next, so we’re less stressed with new dynamics.

    I’m sure you’ve experienced those times when you know how your partner or co-worker will react.

    When they do what they usually do, you say to yourself, ‘I kind of thought it would go that way.’

    We do this with ourselves, too – all the time! And it’s a big part of what leads to overwhelm and exhaustion. When the habit is a thought or expectation that things are the way they are, it can quickly lead to feeling overwhelmed.

    Thought habits are also some of the most exhausting habits to change.

    How often have you told yourself you’ll change the habit, and there you are again, like on autopilot, at it?

    Even when you don’t want the habit, it takes less effort and energy to change it to something more helpful.

    Aligned Positive Self Talk Relieves Overwhelm

    When one of my new coaching clients begins their journey to work-life balance, one of their top goals is to be less critical, especially of their selves.

    Most of the time, this shows up in how they speak to themselves.

    Often, what helps the most isn’t simply replacing the negative thought with a positive one. Instead, a recalibration to shift the energy from overwhelm to alignment is what makes a sustainable change.

    It’s also important to acknowledge that there are specific points in the year when we have more to do. Sometimes, being overwhelmed doesn’t start with emotional stress. It begins with the sheer volume of tasks in a short time.

    For parents with school-age children, September and May are typically very busy with many extra commitments as the school year begins and ends. And as always, there’s the holiday season with work, school, social and religious commitments. These months of the year are a little different, but the same focus skill helps prioritize competing needs.

    During the busy months, it’s helpful to go into them with a recalibration plan based on your need for alignment – to live in harmony with your goals and values.

    So, how do you make this happen? Real change happens when you focus on changing how you talk to yourself in your own head.

    Thought Habits Help You Focus

    This is because most of the thoughts are habits.

    They’re locked inside, never spoken, so you don’t have the opportunity to challenge them.

    Here are some examples from real life…

    Take a joint statement: many women say a lot,

    ‘I’m going to be good and pass on dessert.’

    You’ve probably heard this from when you were little, or maybe you even say it now!

    The message becomes ingrained that eating dessert is somehow tied to morality.

    The implication is that you’re a bad person if you eat dessert.

    At best, it says you lack strength and willpower if you indulge.

    Avoiding dessert becomes a habit; be good and don’t eat it. (Does this also make a statement about women who enjoy sensual pleasures? Hmmm…)

    If you break the habit and eat dessert, a cascade of guilt and shame begins — the next default habit – an expectation of judgment and more guilt that reinforces the judgment.

    Changing this habit is possible with an intentional process that cuts through all expectations. When you’re enjoying dessert and focused on non-judgment, you’re building a new perspective. A new habit is born and it replaces the overwhelming habit of food guilt as you focus on the process and repeat the new habit.

    Non-judgmental Focus

    A non-judgmental focus helps to change overwhelming habits with aligned ways of thinking.

    Creating and using alternative statements you have ready helps you focus on what you want – freedom from being overwhelmed. Moving toward what you wish is infinitely easier than pushing back against what you don’t want.

    Here’s an example of what I mean using the dessert example:

    ‘I’m bad if I eat dessert’ becomes –

    ‘Food doesn’t hold moral value, only nutritional value. I can choose to eat dessert or not and am morally the same person no matter my choice.’

    Or it could also be one of these statements,

    ‘I’m experiencing one of the simple pleasures in life!’

    ‘I’m satisfied and not interested in dessert right now.’

    These are just a few statements to get you started. Practicing one of these statements and adding more of your own gives you something to use when needed, so you’re prepared.

    Self Leadership

    Trying to devise supportive alternatives to your habits when you’re overwhelmed is like asking yourself for a magic wand. It’s so far beyond what’s possible that it’s a sure setup for even more overwhelm. But what does help is to practice these statements and add more of your own so you’re ready.

    I know I just said that twice because my experience is that we think we’ll remember, but we don’t!

    Practice makes progress, as my kid’s teachers say!

    I hope that this way of being with yourself becomes so much of a habit supporting your happiness that it becomes automatic.

    After all, the relationship you have with yourself is the one that matters the most. When you align with what you want and need, you can use your felt experience as the information you need to shift your perspective and focus on what matters.

    And, if you’re like most of us, you’ll most likely experience a bit of overwhelm occasionally. The difference is acknowledging it when it’s low so you can more easily identify what you need and move toward it.

    The focus might seem like it’s confining, but what it does is keep you on track, so you receive what you truly want. The snowball effect begins to take hold when you receive what you want. It’s most likely what you need for a fulfilling life as well.

    Conclusion

    My challenge to you is to look at your week and, with compassion in your heart, answer this question:

    ‘What will fill my life with calm and clarity today?’

    Remember, focus is an investment in your future self. It gives you a rich awareness of how to own your life and lead yourself to a life filled with fulfillment and intention.

    I can’t wait for you to experience the peace and fulfillment you desire!

  • How to Cure Stress Eating and Get What You Really Need

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    There’s so much information about how to stop stress eating and emotional eating.

    Every day, my news feed and social platforms tell me about new and improved ways to hack stress eating and emotional eating.

    The advice usually falls into one of these three categories:

    1. Funny, in-your-face, non-diet messages are often delivered by young women who fit the dominant culture’s ideal of beauty. Not that there’s anything wrong with it. I’m happy that the younger generations have a much better viewpoint of diet culture. But decades of stress, dieting and cultural influences take a bit more effort than eating an ice cream while flipping off diet culture.

    2. Information that appears to be new, but it isn’t, is just having a refreshed cover. You can probably guess what I’m talking about! You know, the same diet programs that have been around for a long time or even newer apps that claim not to be a diet. Just because you say you’re not a diet doesn’t mean you aren’t a diet – we see you out there!

    3. Professionals who offer their research evidence that their way is the correct or best way to live. This strikes me as academic competitiveness, which is good; it pushes humanity to find better ways. The problem is that it paints a picture of all or nothing with the researcher or influencer, the hero who has found the golden key that will unlock the secret garden if only we would follow them.

    I’m sure there are many more we could add, but let’s get to what matters.

    The issue is that stress eating isn’t really about the food.

    Food happens to be the focus or device for relief. The reason why people use food for stress relief is that it works – to a point. It happens to be food for a lot of reasons:

    • Habits learned when young
    • Habits formed in college
    • The brain does feel happier and calmer after eating
    • Not knowing what else to do calm the stress
    • Boredom

    Using food is easy, inexpensive and relatively socially acceptable.

    Women bond over both their desire for decadence and the inevitable discussion about diets and workouts. We’re in this struggle together, yet we haven’t realized how to stop it.

    The issue is that stress eating isn’t really about the food.

    Food happens to be the focus or device for relief. The reason why people use food for stress relief is that it works – to a point. It happens to be food for a lot of reasons:

    • Habits learned when young
    • Habits formed in college
    • The brain does feel happier and calmer after eating
    • Not knowing what else to do calm the stress
    • Boredom

    Using food is easy, inexpensive and relatively socially acceptable.

    Women bond over both their desire for decadence and the inevitable discussion about diets and workouts. We’re in this struggle together, yet we haven’t realized how to stop it.

    Getting down to the root of the issue is the only way to break free from stress eating, and that’s an easy solution!

    If we stop the distractions of focusing on the food and focus on what gets us to that point, then we have a real solution.

    The problem is that most of us were never taught how to work with our emotions and calm the anxious brain and body in a way that clarifies what to do next.

    Here’s the outstanding part: this isn’t about digging around in your unconscious to find the “root cause,” and then, when you understand why, you’ll magically stop stress eating.

    I wish it were that easy because I bet you know why you stress eat, but that hasn’t helped to stop it.

    When I started my practice as a psychotherapist and coach, that’s what I thought. We would uncover the source of the pain, and it would be relieved. But, when I began my PhD studies, I learned that emotional eating is stress eating and the pathway to lasting relief is:

    1. Emotional Mastery
    2. Clear Communication
    3. Well-being Habits

    This is the Powerful Calm System and is the foundation for conscious eating, which is a straightforward way to get back to listening to your body, eating in response to hunger, and mindfully enjoying food.

    Emotional Mastery

    Conscious eating is eating with awareness of your body’s needs for fuel and satisfaction.

    It is eating with respectful kindness for yourself, free from judgment. You learn to follow, listen to yourself and use your emotions as your guide.

    It is negotiating between your body and mind, listening to your heart in the present moment.

    Conscious eating is the awareness that the next time you need to eat, you can make new choices in each new moment.

    Conscious eating frees you from deprivation and urgency, which is usually a frantic, anxiety-filled impulse to get what you want now.

    It might be because –

    • it may be gone soon
    • this is the last time you’ll allow yourself to eat it
    • the diet starts tomorrow, so you better have it now!

    Stress eating (emotional eating) can be like this. Sometimes to distract, sometimes to avoid, and sometimes to control unmanageable feelings. No matter its path, it all leads back to stress as the cause.

    Conscious eating frees you to stop for a moment, give yourself time and space to identify your feelings, identify your hunger, and make decisions based on what your mind, body and heart needs.

    Clear Communication

    Conscious eating helps you to connect with the fullness of your life, free from the stress that interferes with your goals.

    You can nourish yourself in the whole meaning of the word nourish.

    The goal is to truly enjoy your relationship with food and your body without guilt, negative self-talk, excuses, or shame.

    Each meal is one moment in time.

    Sometimes, you will eat purely for fuel. You are hungry, busy, and need nutrition to function well.

    You are living your life, and food is one of many essential parts, not the one thing you spend too much time thinking about.

    At other times, you eat for enjoyment and nourishing your body. Clear communication with yourself allows you to freely enjoy food without guilt because the choices you make aren’t a stress reaction, but instead, they are a choice based on what you need for energy and enjoyment. And when that happens, there’s no reason to blame and shame about food or your body.

    Well-being Habits

    Becoming a conscious eater is like getting back to nature.

    You’ll get back to eating naturally, and when stress hits, you no longer reach for food to calm and self-soothe.

    Emotions and food are separate, but sometimes they seem the same.

    It is like when you were little and ate because you were hungry and stopped when you were full. Even when you had something delicious, like your favorite food, you listened to your body and stopped when your body let you know it was complete.

    You can get back to listening to your natural rhythms.

    And, if this was not your experience growing up, you can learn how to become a Conscious Eater who can listen to her body and follow through!

    When you eat this way, you find what is health-enhancing for you. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all when it comes to nourishing your body. The only perfect diet for you is finding what works well for your body today and doing more of it. And when things change, you can adapt because you can listen to your body and adjust as needed.

    Listen to your body.

    There’s a wealth of knowledge about sound, essential nutrition. It is freely available to you and many well-qualified providers who can support you, too.

    Conclusion

    The bottom line is that conscious eating is a simple way to implement the Powerful Calm System, so you no longer need stress eating and emotional eating again!

  • 10 Simple Mantras That Stop Negative Thinking And Stress Eating

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    You know that nagging voice in your head that whispers you need to calm down and stop negative thinking, and before you know it, stress eating hits? 

    It’s the voice that…

    • Doubts that it’s all too much and you won’t ever feel calm.
    • Questions your relationship with yourself and your self-knowledge.
    • Criticizes you and can be downright mean under the veil of being “honest.”

    When you’re struggling with stress eating or emotional eating, the voice of doubt focuses on what’s not going well and dismisses or ignores what is.

    What if you had a way to calm self-doubt and highlight your successes, no matter how small?

    Developing this skill can change the conversation and transform doubt into power. 

    How to Stop Stress Eating Right Now

    When you have an answer ready that you can rely on to shift your focus, calm stress and anxiety and change negative thoughts – you have a skill that will serve you well.

    A simple mantra is a shortcut way to connect with yourself. It calms negative thoughts so you can be mindful and make choices that matter to you.

    A mantra is a coping skill that’s been around so long because it works!

    It’s nearly impossible to separate thoughts, feelings, perceptions, potential future scenarios, etc. When stress eating enters the picture, the feelings are often mixed emotions. Those emotions lead to an essential need for you to stop negative thinking!

    Getting out of confusing, conflicting, or uncomfortable feelings is easier when you have a tool to focus your thoughts compassionately. The other benefit is that intentionally focusing your thoughts increases motivation to stay on your path.

    Using a mantra to help you shift your thoughts is one of the easiest ways to stop stress eating. Stopping negative thinking is one of the most essential strategies to calm, soothe and refocus your brain to prevent stress eating. 

    The best mantra is meaningful to you and easy to remember, so when you need it, you have it ready.

    When a mantra is precise and concise, it just “fits.” And it’s easy to use over and over to bring your stress level back down.

    Mindful living is being aware of what you think and feel and you intend to live the life you want. Stress eating or emotional eating distracts you from it. You can get back in alignment with your needs with this question:

    Are you eating because you’re hungry, enjoying the taste, or distracting yourself from emotional stress?

    Stress eating or emotional eating will never satisfy an unmet need.

    Mindful living is a dynamic, active process. When you slow down and stress lifts, you return to actively choosing your daily eating habits. You’ll grow in your flexibility to change as your needs change.

    You’ll naturally be mindful of eating what you need. 

    What you like might change when you get a chance to slow down and listen to yourself more closely. An effective mantra calms reliably calms and comes back to you naturally, so it’s always there for you.

    Why a mantra to stop negative thinking?

    A mantra becomes a tool that supports you in building a kind and compassionate relationship with yourself. You can take a stand for nurturing yourself with good food and compassion and live mindfully with fulfillment.

    Here are ten mantras you can use or as a starting point to create one of your own!

    > I am living in the moment, one meal at a time.

    > Peace and kindness support my relationship with my body.

    > I feel balanced as I make choices that nourish me.

    > I listen to my mind, body and heart for what I need.

    > Change requires my time and attention; my reward is contentment.

    > I move toward my goals with compassion.

    > I am mindful and compassionate as I develop the tools I need.

    > I’m cultivating a peaceful relationship with my body.

    > When I move my body, I experience life.

    > I nourish my mind, body, and heart with a loving, loving heart.

    Conclusion

    Sometimes, we get caught up in complicated tools or strategies and think they are naturally more compelling. But most of the time, they’re confusing and don’t stop negative thinking or stress eating. Simple, straightforward, and easily used strategies and tools you use daily to live mindfully and fulfill your intentions.

  • How To Be Peaceful With Food In 3 Easy Steps

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    Food peace through self-compassion gives you what you desire – freedom and accountability to be peaceful with food.

    Committing to changing your relationship with food takes a different focus. It’s more connected to what you want while at the same time giving you both grace and limits that are in alignment with your needs.

    Self-compassion is holding yourself accountable without judgment. When you take stock of your relationship with food with neutrality, push yourself when you need to do more and acknowledge your accomplishments when they happen, you’re on the path of food peace.

    To be at peace with food, you need self-compassion most when you…

    • are tired of solutions that have you running in circles.
    • know what you want, to stop emotional eating, but it happened again.
    • question if you even know what you want.
    • adjust your goals to fit what you want - not what “they” want.
    • doubt leads you to question your choices.

    While you adjust to this new form of accountability, you’ll have many opportunities to slip back into self-criticism, skepticism and negative thinking about your state.

    You’ll probably have a chance to practice self-compassion many times a day!

    The good news is that these opportunities push you to become even more transparent and assertive in your resolve to change your relationship with food and your body.

    And, as you practice, you’ll develop habits that support your changes and self-compassion makes it all easier.

    Self-compassion helps you keep your focus on moving forward.

    Being at peace with food through self-compassion reshapes how you work with yourself so you know when to push and ease up.

    You don’t need to look for balance when you have your internal barometer to guide you. You adjust as you develop a refined internal awareness of your emotional states.

    Here are three steps to be at peace with food through self-compassion:

    1. Assess what is enough for you.

    When I ask people this question, what is enough? They usually think in terms of minimums. “Don’t take too much” vs. “Take what you think you need, and you can always have more.”

    Are you in a place with enough love, money, friendship, work challenges and fulfillment, food you enjoy, and movement that feels good?

    If you know there’s more you need in life; the first step is to get specific and identify what it is so you can develop a plan.

    2. Utilize self-compassion and strive for satisfaction.

    Satisfaction isn’t an endpoint. It’s a way of being that is your baseline of contentment.

    Life satisfaction can only come when how you live your life matches up with your values. Satisfaction is part of feeling like you’re doing what you must do. You feel good about your life and yourself.

    If you feel incomplete, like there’s something that you want or need in your life, use self-compassion to encourage you to ask the hard questions of yourself so you get out of the endless cycle of stress eating to fill a void it can’t possibly fill.

    3. Question what you’re moving toward and ensure you want it.

    Is it what you convinced yourself of to meet others’ expectations, or is it what you know in your heart you want?

    Many well-meaning people make suggestions, assuming you’re on the same page. But are you? Just because your friend is on a diet, she might assume that everyone is on the hunt for the perfect way to eat, too. Maybe you are, but your way of getting there is very different.

    Self-compassion is a commitment to yourself to figure out your needs. Figure out what nourishes you in mind, body and heart. Self-compassion keeps you accountable to yourself and at peace with food.

    What does being at peace with food do for you?

    Recognize that if your relationship with food isn’t serving you in the way you had hoped, it can change at any point in your life.

    Being at peace with food transforms your relationship with food. It is dynamic, so tomorrow is closer to where you need to be.

    Keep moving forward no matter what because your relationship with yourself matters most!

    Sometimes, you need to push yourself when you’re scared and unsure if the outcome will be better than your current situation. But, when you’re backing yourself with self-compassion and accountability, you have what you need to take a risk.

    Self-compassion allows you to take care of yourself as you change.

    Pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone, no matter how content you are at the moment and stepping into the next best thing in your life is what transforming your relationship with yourself is like.

    Conclusion

    When you say “yes” to yourself, you are already creating the space to be at peace with food. Thoughtfully, mindfully, making decisions from your heart, bit by bit, with self-compassion leading you where you need to be!