Stress Eating

  • How to Cure Stress Eating and Get What You Really Need

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    There’s so much information about how to stop stress eating and emotional eating.

    Every day, my news feed and social platforms tell me about new and improved ways to hack stress eating and emotional eating.

    The advice usually falls into one of these three categories:

    1. Funny, in-your-face, non-diet messages are often delivered by young women who fit the dominant culture’s ideal of beauty. Not that there’s anything wrong with it. I’m happy that the younger generations have a much better viewpoint of diet culture. But decades of stress, dieting and cultural influences take a bit more effort than eating an ice cream while flipping off diet culture.

    2. Information that appears to be new, but it isn’t, is just having a refreshed cover. You can probably guess what I’m talking about! You know, the same diet programs that have been around for a long time or even newer apps that claim not to be a diet. Just because you say you’re not a diet doesn’t mean you aren’t a diet – we see you out there!

    3. Professionals who offer their research evidence that their way is the correct or best way to live. This strikes me as academic competitiveness, which is good; it pushes humanity to find better ways. The problem is that it paints a picture of all or nothing with the researcher or influencer, the hero who has found the golden key that will unlock the secret garden if only we would follow them.

    I’m sure there are many more we could add, but let’s get to what matters.

    The issue is that stress eating isn’t really about the food.

    Food happens to be the focus or device for relief. The reason why people use food for stress relief is that it works – to a point. It happens to be food for a lot of reasons:

    • Habits learned when young
    • Habits formed in college
    • The brain does feel happier and calmer after eating
    • Not knowing what else to do calm the stress
    • Boredom

    Using food is easy, inexpensive and relatively socially acceptable.

    Women bond over both their desire for decadence and the inevitable discussion about diets and workouts. We’re in this struggle together, yet we haven’t realized how to stop it.

    The issue is that stress eating isn’t really about the food.

    Food happens to be the focus or device for relief. The reason why people use food for stress relief is that it works – to a point. It happens to be food for a lot of reasons:

    • Habits learned when young
    • Habits formed in college
    • The brain does feel happier and calmer after eating
    • Not knowing what else to do calm the stress
    • Boredom

    Using food is easy, inexpensive and relatively socially acceptable.

    Women bond over both their desire for decadence and the inevitable discussion about diets and workouts. We’re in this struggle together, yet we haven’t realized how to stop it.

    Getting down to the root of the issue is the only way to break free from stress eating, and that’s an easy solution!

    If we stop the distractions of focusing on the food and focus on what gets us to that point, then we have a real solution.

    The problem is that most of us were never taught how to work with our emotions and calm the anxious brain and body in a way that clarifies what to do next.

    Here’s the outstanding part: this isn’t about digging around in your unconscious to find the “root cause,” and then, when you understand why, you’ll magically stop stress eating.

    I wish it were that easy because I bet you know why you stress eat, but that hasn’t helped to stop it.

    When I started my practice as a psychotherapist and coach, that’s what I thought. We would uncover the source of the pain, and it would be relieved. But, when I began my PhD studies, I learned that emotional eating is stress eating and the pathway to lasting relief is:

    1. Emotional Mastery
    2. Clear Communication
    3. Well-being Habits

    This is the Powerful Calm System and is the foundation for conscious eating, which is a straightforward way to get back to listening to your body, eating in response to hunger, and mindfully enjoying food.

    Emotional Mastery

    Conscious eating is eating with awareness of your body’s needs for fuel and satisfaction.

    It is eating with respectful kindness for yourself, free from judgment. You learn to follow, listen to yourself and use your emotions as your guide.

    It is negotiating between your body and mind, listening to your heart in the present moment.

    Conscious eating is the awareness that the next time you need to eat, you can make new choices in each new moment.

    Conscious eating frees you from deprivation and urgency, which is usually a frantic, anxiety-filled impulse to get what you want now.

    It might be because –

    • it may be gone soon
    • this is the last time you’ll allow yourself to eat it
    • the diet starts tomorrow, so you better have it now!

    Stress eating (emotional eating) can be like this. Sometimes to distract, sometimes to avoid, and sometimes to control unmanageable feelings. No matter its path, it all leads back to stress as the cause.

    Conscious eating frees you to stop for a moment, give yourself time and space to identify your feelings, identify your hunger, and make decisions based on what your mind, body and heart needs.

    Clear Communication

    Conscious eating helps you to connect with the fullness of your life, free from the stress that interferes with your goals.

    You can nourish yourself in the whole meaning of the word nourish.

    The goal is to truly enjoy your relationship with food and your body without guilt, negative self-talk, excuses, or shame.

    Each meal is one moment in time.

    Sometimes, you will eat purely for fuel. You are hungry, busy, and need nutrition to function well.

    You are living your life, and food is one of many essential parts, not the one thing you spend too much time thinking about.

    At other times, you eat for enjoyment and nourishing your body. Clear communication with yourself allows you to freely enjoy food without guilt because the choices you make aren’t a stress reaction, but instead, they are a choice based on what you need for energy and enjoyment. And when that happens, there’s no reason to blame and shame about food or your body.

    Well-being Habits

    Becoming a conscious eater is like getting back to nature.

    You’ll get back to eating naturally, and when stress hits, you no longer reach for food to calm and self-soothe.

    Emotions and food are separate, but sometimes they seem the same.

    It is like when you were little and ate because you were hungry and stopped when you were full. Even when you had something delicious, like your favorite food, you listened to your body and stopped when your body let you know it was complete.

    You can get back to listening to your natural rhythms.

    And, if this was not your experience growing up, you can learn how to become a Conscious Eater who can listen to her body and follow through!

    When you eat this way, you find what is health-enhancing for you. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all when it comes to nourishing your body. The only perfect diet for you is finding what works well for your body today and doing more of it. And when things change, you can adapt because you can listen to your body and adjust as needed.

    Listen to your body.

    There’s a wealth of knowledge about sound, essential nutrition. It is freely available to you and many well-qualified providers who can support you, too.

    Conclusion

    The bottom line is that conscious eating is a simple way to implement the Powerful Calm System, so you no longer need stress eating and emotional eating again!

  • 10 Simple Mantras That Stop Negative Thinking And Stress Eating

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    You know that nagging voice in your head that whispers you need to calm down and stop negative thinking, and before you know it, stress eating hits? 

    It’s the voice that…

    • Doubts that it’s all too much and you won’t ever feel calm.
    • Questions your relationship with yourself and your self-knowledge.
    • Criticizes you and can be downright mean under the veil of being “honest.”

    When you’re struggling with stress eating or emotional eating, the voice of doubt focuses on what’s not going well and dismisses or ignores what is.

    What if you had a way to calm self-doubt and highlight your successes, no matter how small?

    Developing this skill can change the conversation and transform doubt into power. 

    How to Stop Stress Eating Right Now

    When you have an answer ready that you can rely on to shift your focus, calm stress and anxiety and change negative thoughts – you have a skill that will serve you well.

    A simple mantra is a shortcut way to connect with yourself. It calms negative thoughts so you can be mindful and make choices that matter to you.

    A mantra is a coping skill that’s been around so long because it works!

    It’s nearly impossible to separate thoughts, feelings, perceptions, potential future scenarios, etc. When stress eating enters the picture, the feelings are often mixed emotions. Those emotions lead to an essential need for you to stop negative thinking!

    Getting out of confusing, conflicting, or uncomfortable feelings is easier when you have a tool to focus your thoughts compassionately. The other benefit is that intentionally focusing your thoughts increases motivation to stay on your path.

    Using a mantra to help you shift your thoughts is one of the easiest ways to stop stress eating. Stopping negative thinking is one of the most essential strategies to calm, soothe and refocus your brain to prevent stress eating. 

    The best mantra is meaningful to you and easy to remember, so when you need it, you have it ready.

    When a mantra is precise and concise, it just “fits.” And it’s easy to use over and over to bring your stress level back down.

    Mindful living is being aware of what you think and feel and you intend to live the life you want. Stress eating or emotional eating distracts you from it. You can get back in alignment with your needs with this question:

    Are you eating because you’re hungry, enjoying the taste, or distracting yourself from emotional stress?

    Stress eating or emotional eating will never satisfy an unmet need.

    Mindful living is a dynamic, active process. When you slow down and stress lifts, you return to actively choosing your daily eating habits. You’ll grow in your flexibility to change as your needs change.

    You’ll naturally be mindful of eating what you need. 

    What you like might change when you get a chance to slow down and listen to yourself more closely. An effective mantra calms reliably calms and comes back to you naturally, so it’s always there for you.

    Why a mantra to stop negative thinking?

    A mantra becomes a tool that supports you in building a kind and compassionate relationship with yourself. You can take a stand for nurturing yourself with good food and compassion and live mindfully with fulfillment.

    Here are ten mantras you can use or as a starting point to create one of your own!

    > I am living in the moment, one meal at a time.

    > Peace and kindness support my relationship with my body.

    > I feel balanced as I make choices that nourish me.

    > I listen to my mind, body and heart for what I need.

    > Change requires my time and attention; my reward is contentment.

    > I move toward my goals with compassion.

    > I am mindful and compassionate as I develop the tools I need.

    > I’m cultivating a peaceful relationship with my body.

    > When I move my body, I experience life.

    > I nourish my mind, body, and heart with a loving, loving heart.

    Conclusion

    Sometimes, we get caught up in complicated tools or strategies and think they are naturally more compelling. But most of the time, they’re confusing and don’t stop negative thinking or stress eating. Simple, straightforward, and easily used strategies and tools you use daily to live mindfully and fulfill your intentions.

  • How To Be Peaceful With Food In 3 Easy Steps

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    Food peace through self-compassion gives you what you desire – freedom and accountability to be peaceful with food.

    Committing to changing your relationship with food takes a different focus. It’s more connected to what you want while at the same time giving you both grace and limits that are in alignment with your needs.

    Self-compassion is holding yourself accountable without judgment. When you take stock of your relationship with food with neutrality, push yourself when you need to do more and acknowledge your accomplishments when they happen, you’re on the path of food peace.

    To be at peace with food, you need self-compassion most when you…

    • are tired of solutions that have you running in circles.
    • know what you want, to stop emotional eating, but it happened again.
    • question if you even know what you want.
    • adjust your goals to fit what you want - not what “they” want.
    • doubt leads you to question your choices.

    While you adjust to this new form of accountability, you’ll have many opportunities to slip back into self-criticism, skepticism and negative thinking about your state.

    You’ll probably have a chance to practice self-compassion many times a day!

    The good news is that these opportunities push you to become even more transparent and assertive in your resolve to change your relationship with food and your body.

    And, as you practice, you’ll develop habits that support your changes and self-compassion makes it all easier.

    Self-compassion helps you keep your focus on moving forward.

    Being at peace with food through self-compassion reshapes how you work with yourself so you know when to push and ease up.

    You don’t need to look for balance when you have your internal barometer to guide you. You adjust as you develop a refined internal awareness of your emotional states.

    Here are three steps to be at peace with food through self-compassion:

    1. Assess what is enough for you.

    When I ask people this question, what is enough? They usually think in terms of minimums. “Don’t take too much” vs. “Take what you think you need, and you can always have more.”

    Are you in a place with enough love, money, friendship, work challenges and fulfillment, food you enjoy, and movement that feels good?

    If you know there’s more you need in life; the first step is to get specific and identify what it is so you can develop a plan.

    2. Utilize self-compassion and strive for satisfaction.

    Satisfaction isn’t an endpoint. It’s a way of being that is your baseline of contentment.

    Life satisfaction can only come when how you live your life matches up with your values. Satisfaction is part of feeling like you’re doing what you must do. You feel good about your life and yourself.

    If you feel incomplete, like there’s something that you want or need in your life, use self-compassion to encourage you to ask the hard questions of yourself so you get out of the endless cycle of stress eating to fill a void it can’t possibly fill.

    3. Question what you’re moving toward and ensure you want it.

    Is it what you convinced yourself of to meet others’ expectations, or is it what you know in your heart you want?

    Many well-meaning people make suggestions, assuming you’re on the same page. But are you? Just because your friend is on a diet, she might assume that everyone is on the hunt for the perfect way to eat, too. Maybe you are, but your way of getting there is very different.

    Self-compassion is a commitment to yourself to figure out your needs. Figure out what nourishes you in mind, body and heart. Self-compassion keeps you accountable to yourself and at peace with food.

    What does being at peace with food do for you?

    Recognize that if your relationship with food isn’t serving you in the way you had hoped, it can change at any point in your life.

    Being at peace with food transforms your relationship with food. It is dynamic, so tomorrow is closer to where you need to be.

    Keep moving forward no matter what because your relationship with yourself matters most!

    Sometimes, you need to push yourself when you’re scared and unsure if the outcome will be better than your current situation. But, when you’re backing yourself with self-compassion and accountability, you have what you need to take a risk.

    Self-compassion allows you to take care of yourself as you change.

    Pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone, no matter how content you are at the moment and stepping into the next best thing in your life is what transforming your relationship with yourself is like.

    Conclusion

    When you say “yes” to yourself, you are already creating the space to be at peace with food. Thoughtfully, mindfully, making decisions from your heart, bit by bit, with self-compassion leading you where you need to be!

  • It’s Not About The Mashed Potatoes

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    It’s not about the mashed potatoes or anything else on this list – it’s about listening to your voice.

    It’s not about the mashed potatoes, pie, rolls, or whatever you enjoy eating.

    It’s not about emotional eating.

    It’s not about stress.

    It’s not about feeling too full.

    It’s not about being hungry.

    It’s not about exercising away the calories.

    It’s not about being wrong.

    It’s not about being unworthy.

    It’s not about your childhood.

    It’s not about your poor choices.

    It’s not about your lack of control.

    It’s not about willpower.

    It’s not about finding the reason why.

    It’s not about wishing and hoping.

    It’s not about waiting to be rescued.

    It’s not about rewriting history.

    It’s not about your successes.

    It’s not about your failures.

    It’s not about any of these things.

    What it’s about is stepping consciously and fully into your life and taking the risk to be different.

    This is why many people don’t choose this path and do the same thing repeatedly because it’s safe.

    The big question is, does staying the same cost you what you want?

    What else is there that matters?

    Life is too short to sacrifice your happiness and strive for goals that aren’t what you want or need. 

    Living in alignment with what you need is the path to fulfillment.

    You can make your life your own by getting inspiration from others and creating something new that fits your life. Follow your path and do what works for you.

    It’s important to be good with yourself since you live with yourself in your head 24/7.

    • What’s it like in there?
    • Is it a place you would welcome others to come in for a visit?
    • Do you want more for yourself?

    You are listening to your voice.

    Focusing on the latest fad diet workout, meditation trend, or the latest stress quick fix can make stress build rather than help to reduce stress. This can take you further away from what you want your life to be. In those times when you find yourself stress eating and unconsciously reaching for another handful of chips, it’s confirmation that stress is in control.

    Sensible advice is often lost when you’re desperate for change. And unable to patiently pay closer attention to what you need for more self-awareness.

    If you allowed yourself to set your intentions and live more mindfully, would you be further along than if you chased the latest fad?

    Listening to your voice takes courage and grit.

    Others in your life might not like it.

    It might mean they must adjust and get used to a more vocal, honest you. Many people will outright disagree that you’re doing what’s right. Others will see you change and try convincing you to follow their advice instead of cultivating your voice.

    You need to stay the course.

    You’re good if your path is healthy, self-compassioned and aligned with your intentions.

    Are there dreams you want to become reality, but you’re scared?

    Think about how you feel after you’ve earned something rather than receiving it as a gift. Usually, people say that their sense of self changes. Every time you learn something new, you add to your self-knowledge. This is a precious gift.

    Therefore, when you take a risk you might find that:

    • Challenges make you stronger.
    • You start believing that you can trust yourself.
    • Listening to your mind, body and heart gives you the necessary information.

    Sometimes, you need good information, but most of the time, you only need to know yourself—an intimate knowledge of how you work free from assumptions, judgments, and someone else’s rules. So, instead, be curious, experiment, and then observe what happens. Do more of what works. That’s the bottom line.

    What if you have the resources to know what you need right at your fingertips?

    What will it take for you to listen to yourself and get started?

    Get started.

    Start making the changes you want to see happen in your life today. It’s all you’ve got in the end.

    Do what you must to be healthier, happier and more connected to what you most want today.

    It’s not really about the food or what you weigh, how you look, how many lines are on your face, or how much cellulite you have or don’t. How much is in your bank account or how much staff do you have working for you? These aren’t markers of your value as a human being.

    The stuff above doesn’t elevate your value and valuing them keeps you locked in a battle you will never win. And yet, often, some people have more than you, and comparing yourself to them, even when you try not to, is difficult.

    Step into the fullness of your life.

    In the end, your life is not about the mashed potatoes.

  • How To Stop Negative Thoughts That Result in Stress Eating

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    I would bet that most people view stress as a negative; for my clients who struggle with stress eating, that’s especially true.

    The human mind has a funny way of making things worse. When you feel that it will be hard to succeed, it usually is. I’ll show how your negative thoughts manifest and give you steps to deal with them to prevent the problem. For food not to be a coping tool, you need to change those thoughts from negative to neutral. Viewing them clearly as they are and looking forward towards your future goals is the answer.

    A negative thought is not the same thing as a negative attitude.

    Most of us have experienced our share of stressful events in our lives. These can be work-related or personal. The stress that comes with these adverse events is often labeled as being negative thoughts, but they are both.

    Your mind can easily conjure up a scary image of what could happen if this or that happens, etc. This picture is in your head and says, “If that’s true, then I’m going to need something to eat.” And that’s what makes it so difficult. It’s a coping mechanism.

    1. How negative thoughts work.

    So how does this work? How does the mind do that? Your mind creates a scenario that could occur if that negative thought were true. Let’s say you have been thinking negatively about being fired from your job. You could create a scenario in which you lose your home, you don’t have much money, and you become homeless. When the thought comes to mind, an image of what could happen appears, and pressure builds.

    Your blood starts to leave your brain. It flows down to the rest of your body like you’re a zombie. But you’re not a zombie. It’s difficult to think clearly because stress is flooding the brain areas associated with stress. This is what it’s like when you are trying to cope with stress by eating – you are not fully present or making choices – it’s an automatic process. Now it’s time for coping mechanism number two: food.

    2. Food is security.

    What’s your mind’s second coping mechanism to cope with stress? It uses food. When you think negatively about being fired from your job, the connection with food leads to a desire for food. You see your mind’s picture of what could happen to you, leading you straight to comfort food. What happens then is that instead of thinking about the future or the present, you’re focused on how much comfort food can fulfill those feelings or needs for security because of all this stress.

    3. Food is a distraction.

    Eating is a coping mechanism to calm and soothe and cope with stress. When people suffer from stress eating, they eat comfort food because it calms them down and takes away the stress. But the problem with eating this way is that it does not resolve the issue of stress any more than rubbing a sore knee does because you still have a sore knee, and only now have you added food to your list. The issue remains.

    Negative thoughts and stress eating solutions.

    So, how do you prevent this from happening to you? Here are some helpful suggestions:

    1. List your stressors.

    Make a list of all your stressors. Once the list is complete, divide them into those within your control and those out of your control. If there are any items on the list that you feel are in your control, write down how you would try to change these things if they were yours to change. Next to each item that’s out of your control, write down what it could be if it were in your control. For example, If the only thing out of your control is the weather, then write down what you can do to prepare for this. But if it’s something else, like your boss is a micro-manager, then list things you can change within your work environment to improve it.

    2. List your negative thoughts.

    Write down the negative thoughts that you have most often. Once these are written down, look at them and ask yourself what they mean. Is there a reason why you’re thinking this? Is it true?

    Think of a time when you faced similar stress and how you dealt with it. This will give you insight into what you’re thinking and why. Write down these things in your journal so that when negative thoughts come to mind, you can look at them and ask yourself, “Is this true?”

    3. Challenge your negative thoughts.

    Finally, don’t let negative thoughts about something outside your control remain unchallenged. A positive way to deal with them is to challenge them and say to yourself, “If it were true, then this would occur.” For example: “If I dropped dead tomorrow, then all my friends would say they will miss me.” When this is genuinely true (and it might not always be), the mind will believe it and do everything possible to ensure it happens.

    Conclusion

    So, remember, negative thoughts are not the same as negative attitudes. One is an attitude; one is a thought. But they are related to each other. So, if you have the attitude, “I’m negative all the time,” that will lead you to think negative thoughts about things that may or may not be accurate. A habit of positive thinking will help you to avoid putting these negative thoughts into your mind, which could lead you to harmful coping behaviors like comfort eating.