Month: June 2023

  • 3 Principles to be a Conscious Eater for Life

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    We all want to eat healthy, live well, and be our best selves. Unfortunately, stress eating can rob you of your best intentions. Fortunately, when you become a Conscious Eater, you learn how to experience and maintain freedom from stress eating.

    The cycle of stress eating usually goes something like this –

    • something happens that triggers an uncomfortable emotion
    • you reach for the chocolate (or whatever you like) one more time to calm down
    • enjoying the deliciousness of it is soothing
    • you promise yourself it’s the last time and you’ll “be good.”
    • feeling guilty about eating for emotional comfort

    Sometimes, it’s all of these emotions simultaneously, and that’s incredibly frustrating. The kicker is that it usually leads to even more stress in the long run.

    When you need quick relief from the stress, it’s not like it can wait – you need it as soon as possible!

    At the same time, stress eating isn’t a solution that lasts and if you’re reading this article, I bet you know it’s a cycle that repeats despite your best intentions.

    I also bet that you know when you stop stress eating, you’ll feel in control and that’s a good thing. The goal is to be at peace with yourself, your body, and your life and ultimately make peace with food for good.

    Another diet isn’t the answer because how you use food is the real problem.

    You’re probably at the point where you want more than feeling good about your body – you want to own your life!

    It’s motivating to keep going when you feel in control of your life. Losing weight, joining a new gym, or reading a great self-help book can be the spark, but when the sole focus is losing weight – that’s the definition of putting all your eggs in one basket. The problem is that you either “fall off the wagon,” or the excitement disappears when you reach your goal. That’s when people revert to the same Eating and physical activity behaviors. What you’re left with—well, you—and that feeling of ‘what do I do now?’ How do I maintain my balance without fearing the next stressful eating episode is just around the corner?

    You want, no, you need absolute freedom from stress eating.

    A whole-person perspective that integrates mind, body and heart would be great. After all, it would be best if you lived with yourself, and you want to be happy too.

    Conscious Eating is a way of living in a relationship with yourself that lasts a lifetime.

    You can live a long and happy life where you feel good in mind, body and heart while you experience freedom from stress eating.

    Creating a relationship with yourself leads to lasting change based on trust and respect so you can take care of your emotional well-being.

    You can stop stress eating and become a Conscious Eater.

    Fortunately, Conscious Eating supports you in making positive, life-enhancing changes that you can integrate into your life anytime.

    Conscious Eating is listening to your heart in the present moment, free from judgment, with the knowledge that you can provide yourself with the nourishment you need for a fulfilling life.

    Respect, kindness, and compassion are the hallmarks of Conscious Eating.

    Each time you eat, you can pause, center yourself and come to the table for nourishment and well-being.

    Conscious Eating frees you from the fear of missing out, which is often fueled by the anxiety that you must have what you want now for one of these reasons:

    • it may be gone soon
    • this is the last time
    • the diet starts tomorrow

    Mindless Eating can be like that.

    Sometimes it’s:

    • distraction
    • avoidance
    • controlling feelings that seem unmanageable

    Stress eating focuses only on the food, without regard for your nutritional needs, preferences, or whether you want to eat.

    It is impossible to Consciously Eat what you don’t want or like without experiencing a conflict because you’re out of alignment with yourself.

    Conscious Eating is liberating.

    Conscious Eating frees you from overfocusing on food and underfocusing on your emotional well-being.

    You can create the space to stop momentarily, give yourself time and identify your feelings.

    What are you hungry for, and what might be satisfying?

    Conscious Eating is a fundamental shift in your mindset about how you listen to yourself and take care of yourself.

    Conscious Eating requires compassionate patience.

    As a Conscious Eater, you’ll learn to nourish yourself in the word’s meaning.

    Nourishment: to provide food and other things needed for health, growth, etc.

    The goal is to truly enjoy your relationship with food and your body without guilt, negative self-talk, excuses, or shame.

    Each meal is one moment in time.

    Food has its proper place in your life and is one aspect of life – sometimes it’s a big part, and sometimes it’s a small part. Nonetheless, there are other equally meaningful parts of life.

    Sometimes, you will eat purely for fuel. You are hungry, busy, and need nutrition to function well. Knowing when you need to be quick and efficient versus when you can savor your meal is part of Conscious Eating.

    There is no such thing as a perfect eater!

    Real life happens.

    You may have days where there is one meeting after another and your energy needs are met through one energy bar after another or one cup of coffee too many.

    You may have days when what’s available isn’t appealing and you need to take care of your body and eat what’s available.

    Sometimes we eat just for energy and that’s okay.

    During times like these, Conscious Eaters are kind and compassionate, knowing they make the best decisions.

    You can nourish yourself and have confidence that you will have many opportunities to enjoy the foods you love.

    You can get back to listening to your natural rhythms.

    Becoming a Conscious Eater is often like getting back to nature. Eating more naturally, most of the time. It is like when you were little and ate because you were hungry and stopped when you were full. Even when you had something delicious, like your favorite ice cream, you listened to your body and stopped when your body let you know it was enough.

    And if this was not your experience growing up — maybe you never had the opportunity to listen to your body — you can learn how to listen now.

    Conscious Eating is a skill that you can develop at any time in your life.

    On the other hand, stress eating is a habit you can unlearn anytime!

    At some point in life, we all realize it’s not about weight or how you look in the mirror.

    It is more about how you want to live with yourself.

    Conscious Eating supports a relationship with yourself that is kind and compassionate in how you talk to yourself about your body and life.

    Breaking free from body criticism, stress eating, or the diet mentality is difficult.

    Whether it’s your conversations with others, television commercials, the latest magazine article, pop-up ads, or books, the message is how easy it will be to follow this or that plan and lose weight. Your reward will be unending happiness because a perfect body is the key to the good life. It’s a seductive message, but it isn’t reality.

    If a quick fix worked, we wouldn’t have so many new diets or “failures.”

    The solution isn’t easy. Freedom from stress eating takes effort.

    The reward for becoming a Conscious Eater is experiencing the fullness of life.

    Your life is yours to live right now- no longer being ruled by your feelings and led down the road of emotional eating one more time.

    You honor your life whenever you dare to risk listening to yourself.

    A wealth of knowledge about essential nutrition is easily accessible. Your challenge is to work within the parameters that fit for you. Respect any adjustments you need to make, given your specific health concerns.

    This process increases awareness, adjusts, and helps you move forward with new knowledge.

    There is no one size fits all; there is only what best fits you.

    Most of all, Conscious Eating is natural, kind, and filled with peaceful self-compassion.

    Conscious Eating breaks diet habits and leads to a calmer, more reasonable, thoughtful relationship with food.

    Often, when women talk about “my relationship with food,” it comes from a position of power – the food being more assertive.

    The diet mentality (there are good foods/bad foods, healthy/unhealthy food, the need to count calories, fat, carbohydrates, gluten, or whatever is the “baddy” of the moment) leaves your knowledge and wisdom about yourself out of the equation.

    There is a seesaw back and forth between knowing that you need to follow your path versus the overwhelming message that this plan or that diet will be “the one.” You never really reach a middle ground.

    Consciously make decisions that are guided by your self-knowledge.

    Struggle happens when you can’t integrate the latest diet fad into your life. “I start my diet on Monday,” it is just too much of a jolt to the system.

    Making changes gradually over time and allowing yourself to adjust to change step by step is usually more successful.

    Many women have been brought up with the cultural idea that feeling good about yourself and your body is not possible. You may have grown up believing that you are supposed to look a certain way or that there is one acceptable body type.

    If your body does not match up well, how could you ever feel good, never mind accept yourself?

    Conscious Eating is grounded in caring and compassion and provides nourishment, not only for your body with food but also for your mind and heart with peace.

    Conscious Eating Questions:

    • What is your body asking for?
    • What do you need to nurture your whole self?
    • What is your energy level for your planned activities?
    • What fuel do you need now—food, motivation, inspiration, peace, or something else?
    • What are your emotional needs?
    • Where is your heart leading you?

    It can be challenging to answer these questions thoughtfully in the beginning.

    Sometimes, you are swept up by emotions, thoughts, and memories and it is unclear what will calm your anxieties and fears.

    Longing for food can seem uncontrollable at times.

    The way out is to allow yourself some space and figure out what you need and how to nurture yourself as you experience it.

    Give yourself time and space to let the questions simmer. Give yourself the gift of thoughtfulness.

    3 Basic Elements of Conscious Eating – Mind, Body and Heart

    1. Mind – how your feelings shape your thoughts

    Most of us have the basic feelings: mad, sad, happy. One of the great things about Conscious Eating is that you learn to be more specific in identifying your feelings.

    With increased emotional awareness, your emotional vocabulary grows, leading to more options for best working with them.

    Rather than using food to calm or elevate your mood, you have many choices. For example, there are many ways to describe happiness. Joy, elation, glee, delight, well-being, merry. Each of these feelings has a different quality and experience of pleasure.

    Increasing your repertoire or vocabulary of emotions allows you to match the feeling with positive action.

    You can work with the emotion and move your life in the desired direction.

    Fulfillment, happiness, and peace in your relationship with food are possible because now you are taking care of your emotional health in ways that directly address what is missing.

    2. Body – How do you physically feel?

    Conscious Eating naturally leads you to regularly check in with your body with kindness and compassion.

    Conscious Eating allows you to check in with your subtle hunger cues and your need for movement, flexibility, and sleep.

    Most importantly, you respect your body’s information and meet your needs.

    A healthy relationship is built on a foundation of trust and mutual respect.

    Your relationship with your body’s hunger and satiety signals needs trust and respect, too!

    Conscious Eaters, stop, listen, and take good care.

    Allow yourself the time to check in and wait for an answer. Remember, snap judgments lead you away from consciousness.

    3. Heart – Quiet reflection

    The gift of listening to your heart is one of the guiding elements of Conscious Eating.

    This is where you will find the gentle strength of discernment.

    With experience and practice, you will know when a craving leads to “I just want it” instead of a thoughtful, centered perspective. You can ask yourself, “Am I using food, exercising, focusing on my weight, counting calories or macros to calm an uncomfortable feeling, or do I just have a craving?” This makes choosing what you want very easy.

    In sum

    The heart of Conscious Eating is a movement toward a better relationship with yourself. You know from your core what is best for you, and freedom from stress eating is a big part of your needs.

    The tug of war no longer exists. Instead, you’ll live your life with increasing peace and clarity.

    Your needs are considered first and foremost, whether caring for your emotions, eating, having quiet time, engaging in a nurturing physical activity, or something even more fulfilling.

    Deepening your relationship with yourself in a new way that brings you happiness happens constantly!

    I hope learning more about Conscious Eating and how it can bring more calm, happiness and peace into your life is helpful to you.

  • How to Insulate Yourself from Toxic Positivity

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    What’s the difference between good positivity and bad positivity, and when does it become toxic positivity?

    Positivity includes feelings like gratitude, optimism, and a positive perspective. It might seem like common sense that positivity is good for well-being, backed by research, but there are exceptions, too. One of the exceptions is when positivity is forced; it can be annoying at best and infuriating at worst, which does not enhance well-being at all!

    Positivity is good for well-being. The caveat is if positivity helps you avoid or suppress negative emotions, it can become toxic.

    The definition of toxic positivity is when an individual rejects or denies stress, negativity, or other negative experiences that exist.

    Sometimes, knowing the difference between positivity and toxic positivity is difficult.

    For example, if someone encourages you to “look at the bright side” when you’re not ready to, you might feel that they are dismissing your experience and the negative feelings that may result from it. Since negative emotions are as important as positive ones for meeting your needs, storing them without acknowledgment isn’t helpful. Even so, when it seems that positive advice from friends feels like toxic positivity when you’re on the receiving end, it might not be.

    There’s a thin line between positivity and toxic positivity and it quickly becomes very complicated, but here’s some help.

    Here are some more examples:

    • “I’m having a bad day.” Toxic response: “But you have much to be grateful for in your life.”
    • “I don’t know if I can have a relationship with my sister. She doesn’t treat me with respect or kindness.” Toxic response: “She’s family. You should love her no matter what.”
    • “This job sucks.” Toxic response: “You’re lucky you even have a job.”

    The responses are good examples of using toxic positivity to bypass the speakers’ negative experiences rather than compassionately listening to what the other is saying.

    On the other hand, when you feel heard, it validates your experience, regardless of the situation.

    This response accepts the negative emotions we all experience occasionally and communicates compassion and kindness. This approach is not toxic because it doesn’t deny negative emotions or force a feeling that doesn’t align with the experience.

    When Does Positivity Become Toxic?

    1. Some research suggests that it is inappropriate to use positivity to reframe a problematic positive when an individual’s identity is being threatened. For example, when people experience racial oppression, looking for the positive side of things can lead to worse well-being.
    1. If people encourage you to use a specific emotional skill you’re not skillful with, it can make you feel worse. For some people, positivity is a difficult skill to develop and implement. If your skillset for being optimistic, positive, or reflecting on the bright side of your situation doesn’t come quickly, it could be problematic for you.
    1. Most of us think positive emotions are good, and more is better. Well, it turns out that the saying, “too much of a good thing is bad,” might be right. Too much positive emotion is a known risk factor for mania. Too much positive emotion can result in negative emotion.
    1. Obsession with happiness or over-focusing on happiness decreases well-being. This creates a gap between how you feel now and how you want to feel. Having ultra-high expectations for happiness tends to take you out of your experience and preoccupy you with the future, which is a setup for unfulfilled expectations.

    In Sum

    Toxic positivity is tricky at times.

    The benefit of positivity, backed by science, is that positivity improves well-being.

    At the same time, it can be easy to focus only on positivity, which leads to toxic positivity.

    Hopefully, this post helps you understand the difference between positivity and toxic positivity and how to prevent it.

  • 5 Simple Ways to Boost Your Mood

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    Ready for science-based ways to boost your mood with positive emotions while you decrease negative emotions so you can enjoy life more?

    Life isn’t always easy or fun or what you thought it would be like. Sometimes negative things happen that result in feeling negative and a bad mood is what you experience. Other times, you make a decision that doesn’t turn out how you would like. And at other times, you might feel down for no apparent reason. When this happens, we know we want to feel better quickly. The confusing thing is that it’s often difficult to think of even simple things to do to boost your mood. Luckily, psychological research has shown which practices can reliably boost your mood.

    Here are a few to check out:

    1. Practice gratitude

    One of the best ways to start feeling better fast is to practice gratitude. Gratitude is said to be the parent of all virtues and often leads to an optimistic perspective. You can write in a gratitude journal or make a gratitude list to remind you of what’s important. These simple practices are quick and boost your mood – fast!

    2. Cultivate self-compassion

    Self-compassion can help you feel better about yourself. You treat yourself better when you’re not as judgmental of your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. You can boost self-compassion by writing down things you’re proud of and reminding yourself that you’re always learning and evolving. Even when things don’t work out as you hoped, a small nugget of wisdom can help boost your mood. Considering all of the good things about yourself encourages you to treat yourself with kindness.

    3. Boost self-confidence

    When you are confident, you’re more likely to take the necessary actions you need to take to improve your life. As a result of this boost in motivation, it is easier to be in a better mood. One way to boost self-confidence is by reminding yourself of your strengths and positive qualities. Think about your strengths. It doesn’t have to be a huge accomplishment — maybe you’re a great baker, the video game champ in your friend group, or you’re good at your job. Acknowledging what you are good at can help boost your mood.

    4. Change your point of view

    Research shows that future pacing or looking at your current life from a point of view in the future can decrease your negative emotional experience and help you feel better now. So, if you’ve experienced a difficult situation that leads to feeling down, imagining your life after there’s some distance between now and then can be helpful. This perspective helps you feel hopeful about the future and boost your mood. Tell yourself about all the great stuff your future self is doing. Acknowledge that you’ll move through this challenging situation; on the other side, you’ll gain more experience and self-knowledge.

    5. Notice the positive things

    Many studies show that focusing your attention on the positive improves well-being. This doesn’t mean “focus on the positive and forget the negative” – that’s just not practical. Instead, acknowledging the current situation and what’s difficult and, at the same time, also recognizing the good things in life is the focus. A realistic, well-rounded perspective helps boost your mood and gives you something to look forward to.

    In sum

    When life happens, like it does for all of us, and you’re feeling down, it’s often difficult to think about what would help. This short article gives some simple and easy steps to boost your mood. Remember that self-compassion will help you feel better with more authenticity than negative thinking could ever do!

  • Discover How to Grow Your Emotional Well-being

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    What if you could create more positive emotional experiences and improve your emotional well-being?

    Improving your emotional well-being is not about stopping or avoiding uncomfortable emotional experiences. Emotions are an ordinary and necessary part of life – both emotions we like as well as those that are uncomfortable. Emotional well-being includes self-awareness, emotion regulation, and recovery for optimal functioning. Increasing emotional well-being is entirely possible. Emotional well-being skills can be built at any point in time.

    Here are some ways to have more emotional well-being:

    1. Grow your emotional awareness

    Emotional awareness increases when you engage in self-reflection—

    • What am I feeling?
    • Why do I feel this way?
    • What will help me stop feeling uncomfortable?

    You may engage in behaviors that hurt your emotional well-being when you are unaware of your emotions. But, when you pay more attention to your emotions, you learn which situations, people, or thoughts affect your emotions – positive or negative. You can use your emotional awareness to take action and help you have more enjoyable emotional experiences.

    2. Engage in mindful acceptance

    Mindfulness includes emotional awareness and it also includes self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is when you experience emotions without judging and accept them as part of yourself. Self-acceptance helps prevent secondary negative emotions. Here’s an example: guilt is a secondary emotion when you feel guilty about feeling angry. Acceptance of all emotions (positive or negative) helps prevent adding extra negative emotions into the mix. When you practice non-judgmental self-acceptance, you let your emotions come and go without labeling them as good or bad. You allow yourself to be present and emotions flow, enhancing emotional well-being. One way to develop this skill is by practicing mindfulness meditation.

    3. Shift your focus

    Shifting your focus or re-directing your attention from uncomfortable feelings you’re currently experiencing to the broader impact or “big picture” can help. If you focus on a disappointing situation, you might shift your attention to the other things that are going well in life. Most of us have many things we feel good about and want less of. Looking at the big picture is easier said than done, but research shows that training ourselves to focus on neutral events or situations instead of threatening events can reduce anxiety. Reducing anxiety is a critical factor in emotional well-being.

    4. Reframe your experience

    Reframing is an emotion regulation strategy where you interpret a stressful situation from a different and often more positive perspective. As a result, you understand that there is more than one point of view. This can help you prevent getting stuck in one emotion and instead boost overall emotional well-being. You can practice reevaluating situations by listing things that are good as a positive –

    • How is this an opportunity to grow?
    • What can I learn?
    • What are the good parts of this situation?

    Reframing is a skill, so the more you practice, the easier it becomes.

    5. Get some emotional space

    Emotional distancing is taking on an observer perspective of yourself. It’s like being a “fly on the wall” as you experience an emotion. Another option is to try future pacing. Imagine being a day, month, or year from now, and as you look back on your current situation, what do you predict your perspective will be? For example, after an argument with your partner, think about how you’ll feel about this fight in a week, month, or year. By using emotional distancing, you usually don’t have as many negative judgments about it and can recover from negative experiences more efficiently. Recovery from negative experiences is another important factor in emotional well-being.

    6. Imagine/visualize the good things

    When you imagine positive events, your brain produces similar signals as if you were experiencing those things in real life. This is why positive imagination and visualization can be a powerful tool for emotional well-being. When you’re going through a tough time, you might not have a lot of positive things to focus on. But when you use your imagination, you help your brain experience positive emotions. So, imagine yourself in a good place and generate more positive emotions.

    7. Share positive moments

    When you share your positive moments, you help them grow, expand, and last longer. When something good happens, show, tell, or share your experience with someone you care about since it supports your emotional well-being. For example, you could text a friend or call them on the phone. Just be careful not to ‘humble brag.’ For example, if you got a promotion, you could say, I’m feeling so great today about my career. I’d love to celebrate by taking you out to dinner. The people who love you in your life will want to celebrate with you!

    In sum

    Emotional well-being is the foundation for a life well-lived. It helps you to manage challenging situations while remaining present. Life gets easier when you know that you have the skills to care for yourself no matter what happens. Practice these seven well-being skills and you’ll create a solid foundation for your life.

  • How to Unlock Negative Emotions that Trigger Stress Eating

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    Mindless stress or emotional eating.

    You’ve been there – eating when you don’t want to, but the stress needs to go somewhere, and that is when stress or emotional eating starts.

    It’s a distraction that helps to calm your stress with relief, even if it’s only for a few minutes.

    You’re only trying to get away from the negativity. Eating something, especially if it’s a high-carbohydrate snack, works!

    Your brain is bathed in calming, feel-good neurotransmitters that change your brain chemistry. Your brain is taking care of the immediate situation, “I need to calm the tension now.”

    This is the heart of mindless stress eating.

    You start feeling better when you have a pleasurable experience.

    But shame and guilt hit you like a ton of bricks, and now you’re right back to feeling uncomfortable, and the soothing you experienced starts to evaporate.

    What happens next? A lot of clients say it’s something like this:

    You already ate the food, so you –

    • restrict your food intake
    • promise that next time you will resist
    • focus on more willpower

    Or

    • you go back down the path of mindlessness, stress, or emotional eating
    • justify your discomfort by telling yourself you might as well enjoy it while you can
    • feel hopeless that you’ll ever be in control of food

    There are a lot of reasons why the stress or emotional eating cycle repeats over and over.

    The reason for the most significant impact is that you feel near immediate relief.

    There are many brain-chemical reasons why people feel a sense of control and relief after eating. Stress or emotional eating relieves uncomfortable feelings regardless of how long the relief lasts.

    The desire to create and maintain a calm state is a powerful drive. When emotional reactivity is high, stress or emotional eating is one of the quickest legal ways to get calm.

    Over the past few decades, the intersection of psychology and neuroscience has shown us that our emotions, how we feel, think, manage, and understand our experiences, are primarily based on learning how to cope and manage different states of being.

    What’s important about this is that we can learn new skills eventually.

    The bottom line is that you can learn how to become a conscious eater after years, decades, or even – of stress, emotional eating, or dieting.

    Mind, body and heart peace.

    When emotions are vague, people generalize them and think in broad brush strokes: “I feel bad or depressed, sad or mad, etc.”

    This is a good start and you can develop a more refined, specific emotional vocabulary to help you even more.

    It’s in our nature to seek to feel as good as possible, so when uncomfortable feelings surface, you probably want to eliminate them as quickly as possible.

    Spending time pondering the subtleties of sadness isn’t something most people tend to do without some highly motivating factor to do it.

    Emotional self-awareness requires you to be specific.

    Becoming a Conscious Eater helps you increase your emotional vocabulary to become more aware of your feelings. When this happens, you have more options for calming and soothing yourself without needing food to do the job for you.

    While I can’t promise that this is an easy task, I can tell you that just like learning anything new, you’ll become more skillful with intentional practice.

    Vague feelings lead to no specific action plan and lead to stress or emotional eating.

    So, why all this talk about the specifics of feelings? Getting specific about the feeling provides you with a broader range of options so you can feel better sooner.

    Here’s an example:

    Say you’re at work and there’s a project you’re leading, the deadline is near and it’s not going well. You’ve racked your brain to devise solutions, but it’s not happening. So, you decide to summon up courage and talk with your boss about it. You want to receive some guidance on how to move forward.

    Bad news: your boss is tense and busy with an emergency. Furthermore, she tells you that she expects you to handle it independently and is confident you’ll figure out what you need to do if you spend more time on it. She wraps up by telling you she has a conference call in 2 minutes and, with a tone, sends the message, Don’t come back with this problem – give me your best work in the morning.’

    Has this ever happened to you?

    I imagine we all have experienced some version of this at least once in life!

    Notice the feelings you might have felt as you read the example.

    Frustration at the inability to get the project done without a fresh perspective.

    Which can lead to anxiety about not knowing and needing to ask for help.

    This can lead to feeling vulnerable that your boss will judge your work performance as poor and that you’re not a valuable employee.

    Your boss’s response can lead to anger.

    You asked for help; she’s your boss, it’s part of her job and she’s not doing it!

    The anger, if left unexplored, can get stuck. You could focus on your boss’s incompetence or dislike of you, plan to set yourself up for failure, etc.

    The mind can go to dark places when we get stuck in fear!

    Even if all this negativity is true—there are difficult bosses out there—you can remain curious about the variety of feelings you experience and then decide if the feelings become problematic.

    The emotionally curious part of you, the part who desires to be more conscious and intentional in life, may have a conversation with yourself like this:

    I made myself vulnerable and asked for help when I needed it. Now I feel dismissed that my work isn’t necessary, maybe even taken to an old familiar feeling – I am unimportant.

    I’m disappointed because I really like my boss and look up to her as a role model and now, my heart is broken a little.

    Maybe she’s not the superwoman I wanted her to be.

    I feel even less able to do my best work and maybe I’m not as invested and excited as I once was. Perhaps I’ll go to lunch early and have my favorite food to console myself.

    But wait, no, maybe the problem she’s dealing with is more urgent now than the project due tomorrow. After all, it is an emergency! I know that she doesn’t have time until the problem is solved.

    She put her faith in me and tried to be encouraging but didn’t have the time or capacity.

    Considering all the feelings I’ve just processed, maybe I can give her what I have, make notes on what needs to be refined, and talk after the problem is resolved and she catches her breath.

    Maybe I can take a deep breath, walk outside, and get fresh air. It’s a nice day and that will help.

    I need to practice patience. Have a nourishing lunch, then get a game plan together so that I’m as prepared as possible at this point in my work.

    When you get more specific about your feelings, you have more options.

    With time and practice, you can get to the heart of the matter more quickly.

    There is a simplicity in directly addressing the nuance of feeling, which helps guide you in caring for the feeling.

    What if part of the problem with emotional eating isn’t the food but not being transparent about the feeling or what to do with it?

    What if you separate the food from the feeling in a way that gives you more information about the feelings and possibilities for taking care of yourself without focusing on food?

    The assumption we’re working with is – you need to fuel your body and fullness-satiety is a need. Nobody can work very well with their feelings if your body needs fuel. Get something to eat and check in with yourself. Nourish your body at the beginning of signs of hunger.

    The two systems – feeling and nourishment – are interrelated; we can’t truly separate them, but we can separate them enough to find clarity. They require different questions and, most often, different answers.

    Let food be food and emotions be emotions.

    Simplify.

    How to identify the nuance of feelings and prevent stress or emotional eating.

    Feelings identification process.

    There are three basic emotions that most people start from anxiety, anger, and sadness.

    Suppose you think about the intensity of the emotion, like a little anticipatory anxiety, when you’re in week two of a new job. Just a little, enough to keep you on your toes versus intense anxiety when you’re about to give a pitch to a venture capital team for several million dollars. The intensity of emotion about an unknown situation, like your first day on the job, can be consuming.

    If you lump these experiences into one, as if they are the same, you short-change your relationship with yourself.

    Lots of people do this every day.

    In the attempt to get past difficult emotions, you may dismiss them as if they are nothing, and in return, you miss the possibility of caring for yourself in a significant way.

    How to apply “feelings identification” to decrease stress or emotional eating.

    Depending on your experience with a particular emotion and the intensity you experience of it, you’ll need options. A variety of coping skills to work through the emotional experience helps a lot. You can get to the other side of your emotions faster and that’s what builds emotional awareness.

    Think of this like any new skill you learn. Riding a bike at first is shaky and usually involves losing your balance, falling off, and trying again. With each round of trial and error, you learn more. Your mind and body become experienced in bike riding and you know more about how to stay balanced.

    They are necessary steps that help you learn what not to do so you learn what works – faster.

    If you try a coping skill that doesn’t fit the emotion, meaning it doesn’t help decrease the intensity, it’s okay. Try the next idea – it may be the one that helps! I have a process for you to try to make it easier and hopefully faster.

    The SILK process can be very helpful in getting you the clarity you need.

    SILK – Stop

    Be still and give yourself a few minutes to feel.

    No worries if it’s complicated. This is time-limited, and it will pass in a few minutes.

    You need to allow yourself a couple of minutes to find what you’re working with.

    Silk -Identify

    List your feelings and consider the possibilities. Look up some of the synonyms and add them to your list.

    You may find that the dictionary definition or browse the thesaurus clarifies how you feel.

    Think of it as an exploration to understand what you are responding to. And that’s a clue to what you need for your well-being.

    SILK – Listen

    When you look at the feeling list, you know where and which feeling resonates in your heart.

    Notice what hits you with, “Yeah, that’s it.” The next step is to ask yourself, “What can I do to help me to feel taken care of?”

    What will help you to move through the tricky part and get to the other side where growth resides?

    SILK – Kindness

    Work from a growth mindset perspective.

    This is the place where the Golden Rule of Self-care applies to you.

    Treat yourself well. It may take time to figure out what you need.

    You will make mistakes along the way and that’s okay; you are learning.

    You are getting to know yourself in a different way that leads to good things.

    Getting unstuck is the best reward.

    I hope that you find that developing your emotional vocabulary leads you down the path to Conscious Eating!

    When you solve stress or emotional eating, burnout, feeling overwhelmed and feeling stressed also decrease dramatically. You can use your newly developed self-awareness to take care of your needs. You’ll have the time and energy to pursue what you need and live a fulfilling life you love. And after all – is that what it’s all about?

  • How to Empower Yourself in Midlife

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    blog title graphic with orange modern flowers on a beige background that says, how to empower yourself in midlife powerfulcalm.com

    How to empower yourself isn’t a topic that’s directly discussed much.

    You’ll often read about what’s empowering after the fact. It’s as if the feeling is a surprising result. Instead, the tools to empower yourself are simple and can become your way of being in the world. When you know what can help you reach your goals, it’s nearly impossible not to go for it!

    Feeling confident, effective, and competent is essential for growth and learning. You are much more likely to accomplish what you want in life if you believe you can. The opposite is also true. Doubt and insecurity can steal your confidence to learn new things and grow when they overshadow potential.

    While it may often feel like things are out of your control, it is rarely the case. Stepping into the power you have in your own life is possible and it is called empowerment. Please keep reading to learn about empowerment, how you can use it to fuel your motivation, and how to build even more of it within yourself. ​​​​​​​​​

    What Is Empowerment?

    Have you ever felt like you can take on any challenge despite the stress swirling around you? The feelings of self-confidence, clarity, and self-determination are essential parts of feeling empowered. Empowerment is a “process that fosters power in people for use in their own lives, their communities, and their society by acting on issues they define as important” (Page & Czuba, 1999). When you feel empowered, you feel you’re in power or control of your life. Empowerment allows you to feel confident that you have the power to create a personally fulfilling life. It’s also confidence that you can accomplish what’s important to you.

    Feeling empowered is motivating. You can pursue your goals and dreams with enthusiasm. If you lack motivation or doubt yourself, increasing your sense of empowerment within yourself can help build your self-esteem and a better quality of life.

    A study that used an online psychological-educational program to help people suffering from depression measured changes in empowerment. Following the program, participants noted an increase in self-esteem and empowerment. The participants improved their quality of life six months after completing the program. What this shows is that improving your self-esteem and feeling more empowered can have a positive effect on your overall quality of life.

    The opposite of feeling empowered is powerlessness or defeat. A disempowered mindset can leave you feeling like you don’t have control of your life. While it isn’t possible to feel fully empowered and confident one hundred percent of the time, having a more neutral mindset is possible so you don’t experience negative consequences that can impact your health.

    A lack of empowerment (high powerlessness scores) is associated with:

    • Limits on physical activity with age
    • Negative psychosocial symptoms with age
    • Health problems five- and ten-years post-survey
    • Poorer of health in general

    Empowerment is a trait that you can build within yourself with time and practice.

    How To Empower Yourself

    Now that empowerment is defined, is it time to explore how to build more empowerment within yourself? For some people, feeling empowered and self-confident may already be skills they’ve learned. Building a sense of empowerment may take a bit of a mindset shift, especially for midlife women. The following are empowerment skills you can develop and actions you can take to implement them daily.

    Develop more positive self-talk.​

    Negative self-talk, especially when it involves negative self-assessments, can harm an empowered mindset. You may need to replace negative thoughts with positive ones to develop more positive self-talk. For example, instead of thinking, “I can’t do that,” think, “I can do hard things.” This simple switch can make a world of difference.

    Create an action list for your goals.

    Ideas and goals are a great start, but you won’t get very far without taking action! Empowered people know that moving forward and achieving your goals takes effort. One way to make the process more practical is to write down your large goals. Break them down into smaller parts by necessary progressive steps. Then, the next step is to break them down even smaller info weekly and then daily goals that are “doable.” Small, consistent goals keep you moving forward at a pace where you can integrate the changes you’ve made.

    Practice confidence and assertiveness.

    Stepping into a more confident and powerful sense of yourself is vital to feeling empowered. It often takes practice – you can learn to speak up and make your voice heard. Robin Sharma once said, “Speak your truth even if your voice shakes.” Try practicing what you will say in your head before you say it out loud if you feel extra nervous.

    In Sum

    Empowerment is an important skill to support you in achieving your goals and dreams. Feeling confident and assertive in your ability to go after what you want is priceless. People with an empowered mindset have more positive self-talk, take action to reach their goals, and are assertive and confident. Once you start believing in your capacity, you can do much more than you’ve dreamed!